Ineffable. [D. Malfoy]

five.

"I'm sorry."

Scorpius sat on the end of my bed, head hanging low.

"It's okay."

"No it's not. Everything I said was out of anger Esme, I didn't mean a single word. I promise."

"Scorp."

He hesitantly looked up at me, guilt flooded through his features. I knew he felt terrible, but it still hurt. His words had to have some sort of meaning. He wouldn't have said them if he didn't mean them.

"Would you like to go for a walk?"

"Uh- You me-an ou-t-isde?"

"Yes."

My mother's words replayed in my ears. Maybe it was time to be better and start again with Scorpius. To rebuild myself along with our relationship. If we become better, then I would too. I needed my memories. Spending time with the one person I could actually remember was the only way. But then I thought of the outside, the unlimited space that went on and on. It was endless and free, one step out, and it would suck out everything I had. It would swallow my entirety as one. I was not ready.

"I- I don't thin-k-."

His smile dropped slightly. "Right."

Shit. I wanted to see him smile again and spend more time with me. Maybe then he would show his affections more freely and willingly. I wanted to be enough for him. After all, he was all I had. He saved me.

I had an idea. "Will you read to me?".

I made sure to lock eyes with him. The words flew out of my mouth. As if it was normal for me to be saying stuff like this. It felt familiar.

He stood up from the end of the bed, coming around the other side. Sitting up against the headboard, he put his arm out for me. Slowly I moved my body, resting my head against his chest. I could hear the slow beat of his heart, right below my ear. His hold was tight in a way but not protecting. I was uncomfortable, but I didn't pull away. Not wanting him to feel worse. 

Make him happy. You owe him.

"Pass me the book."

I reached over beside her, grabbing the book I was reading earlier. Passing it over, I shuddered slightly at the warmth of his touch. He didn't notice. I wanted to move away from him, keeping my body alone in its own bubble. He didn't make me feel safe.

Don't make him more frustrated with you.

With a loud sigh, I heard him open the book. Most likely turning to a random page. I stilled on his chest as his other hand ran through my hair. I didn't like it, it was strange. The roughness of his fingers hurt as he tried to pull through the tangles of my curls. I wanted him to stop. I wanted to move away.

No. He saved you. You owe him.

Blinking back the tears that were starting to form, I allowed my eyes to close. Mr. Malfoy's silver eyes immediately came into view. My breathing hitched at the thought of him, his panicked expression the night of my nightmare. Scorpius's words drowned out as I continued to replay my moment with his father. I was sure Mr. Malfoy hated me. I had been rude with my words. But I couldn't stop thinking about the way he taught me to breathe, to control it rather than having to count to ten. The thought of his white shirt hugging his body and the outline of his abs sent butterflies to my stomach.

Stop, this was his father.

My attention on Scorpius reading to me was barely existent. I tried to think of other things rather than dealing with being in his arms. Not even close to being tired. I opened my eyes, staring at the chessboard in the middle of the table across the room. I wanted to learn how to play if only I could just remember again.