Ineffable. [D. Malfoy]

twenty-three.

Two weeks after Dolohov's arrival.

Esme obeyed Mr.Malfoy's wishes. She stayed in her room all the time. Each time the floorboards behind her room would creak- she ignored it. Each time the shadow of a movement appeared under her door, she would ignore it. Each time the knob of her door turned slightly or made a sound, she ignored it. She blocked out everything beyond the walls of her room. 

There was no point in lying because she missed the Manor. It was odd since it held a haunting appearance - But she loved it. It was becoming her home for the time being. She missed going to the library and travelling down the long narrow corridors, viewing upon each painting the Malfoy Manor had upon the walls. 

She missed the piano that faintly played in the main entrance, and her walks outside. Esme missed being in the library for hours, going through book after book, even when doing her research. It was as if she was becoming more and more attached to the Manor- and it was tying her in with ropes, making her feel secure. It was beginning to feel like a new home. Not that it changed anything. Esme forgot what home felt like.

Was it a place?

Was it a feeling?

Was it something that swept through the insides of her body, finally giving her the securities she so longed from the moment she had left the cell?

Because that is what the Manor had started to feel like.

Nolly dropped in several times a day, bringing the books she requested, writing down lists of names on the sheet of paper Mr.Malfoy had delivered to her room every morning with breakfast. By lunch, her books would arrive, and she would spend hours with her nose in them, going through one after the other. Her research continued, and she would jot down notes in her journals that she always hid underneath her pillow. 

Each time Esme would require a dark magic book from the library, her fingers would hesitantly glide across the paper- wondering if Mr.Malfoy knew what she was requesting to read. She pondered if he knew she was using him. Her newfound thoughts would jumble her mind- like a flood until she reassured herself he would never find out.

She was using him to find her Mother.

He would help her, and she would leave eventually.

The dark magic books held more knowledge than she ever needed. Her research started with the dark mark, and she spent mornings to evenings with her eyes tracing over each in precision. She made sure to re-read every single word in the hope to discover something new each time. And she did. 

She became a book-worm, within her research in the depths of dark magic. She learned about Voldermort's army, his leaders, his followers. There was always something missing as if a page had been ripped out. It felt as if there was always something more to know, and she was lacking the source of information that would make the puzzle fit.

Her mind would early wander to Mr.Malfoy, contemplating her plans. Being around him made her feel better. In a way, he was bringing back the spark she longed for from the start. He pushed her to turn into a better version of herself. She liked how he was blunt with her, giving her straight answers without hesitating to spare her feelings. 

She trusted him, and it was killing her inside that she was betraying him. But as worst as it felt, using him made her feel better. She used him to forget about all the fucked up things in her past. She used him to push away the horrors of being in the cell. 

She used him to overcome her fears. She was using him because he simply allowed her to forget.

 When she was with him, the whole world would fade away until it was just the two of them standing in each other's presence. He was changing her. But not in the way Scorpius was so adamant on.