8- Unleash your inner insecurities

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"Okay hear me out..." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and scrolled down my gallery. Finally I clicked on a photo and showed him. "Huh? Sally and Jack from the nightmare before Christmas?? It's a Halloween/Christmas classic."

"Oh, I think I actually saw that one with my sister" He smiled surprised. My last attempts had failed due to him not having any knowledge on Halloween classics. It was hard but I had to ignore when he asked me things such as "Wait, Nightmare on Elm Street doesn't have Elmo in it?"

"Perfect! I'll be Sally, you'll be Jack."

"Wow, hold your horses." He put his hand on my shoulder to calm me down. "I'm not gonna be Jack. I'm gonna be busy being me" he smiled and pointed and himself.

"Oh c'mon, what fun is it to be the only person in a Halloween party without a costume? You'll look like a fool."

"I'm a fool already, what can I say" He smirked. It was hard to convince him but I didn't give up.

"But, there's even a fun contest for people in costumes. Winner gets a playstation controller!" I smiled desperately.

"Don't have a playstation" He smiled back.

"But ... " I was out of excuses. "Please, just do it. For me?" I practically begged as I held his arm and shook him around like a baby.

He laughed loudly.

"Look. I'm not even sure I can go. I'm a busy man. But I'll tell you this, if I go I'll wear a blazer or something. That's the best you'll get out of me"

"You are coming." I said looking him straight in the eyes.

"I still don't know-"

"Shhhhhhg" I interrupted him. "You are."

He laughed his usual adorable laugh and shook his head playfully. Then he looked at me. I noticed I had been smiling unconsciously.

"Why are you so excited about this?" He asked with genuine confusion.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Let's see, you come here during lunch time to hide from people, you prefer reading than talking, you don't like loud places and you hate anything school-related." His brutal honesty hit a weak part in me.

"Fuck... Do you see me that way?" I couldn't help but be a bit hurt. Not because he what he was saying offended me but because it was true. My hatred for school was so constant and annoying that he was able to remember it. I knew for a fact that if it was anyone else telling me that I'd tell them off, but Kenny knew a version of me that tried to be as honest to myself as possible. I guess in a way, he knew me better than most. For a long time I had assumed I felt comfortable sharing all these things about myself because in my mind, he didn't matter so what he thought didn't matter. After all he was just a lazy ass that slept during lunch time and didn't even shave his beard.

But... With time, as I saw him in a different light and what I had said couldn't be taken back...

Every time I was with him I forgot about my shitty antisocial self. I guess I thought it wasn't really me but just an effect that my friends had on me... but no, here he was, Kenny McCormick, who I had been my possible best self, confirming that my shitty antisocial self was really me.

"W-what, no, no! No, of course not. I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that-" He panicked.

When he stood out his hand with a tissue on it I noticed tears coming down my face.

'Fucking idiot! Crying for such a stupid thing. What he said was true and you already knew it!'

I looked away quickly and wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt.

"I'm really sorry. Please, don't cry..." Once again he showed me a new expression, this time concern.

But I couldn't handle it that moment. I was hurt, and therefore, I was angry at who hurt me. I turned to him.

"You know, this is kinda unfair..." My voice was a bit raspy but I continued."I just wanted to do a good thing with you, and you start judging me." I got up and grabbed my backpack.

"I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything, it wasn't my place." He grabbed my arm stopping me from walking out.

"And you wanna know more?" I looked back still not satisfied. "I do come here to 'hide' from people, as you said, because I thought I could safe with you. But now I think that you're some desperate fucking loser that lives of my stupid school drama. It makes sense! You are always asking me all these questions, and I answer them, but when it comes to you, you just keep everything to yourself. So yeah, amazing, you know how shitty me and my life are, congratulations! And I know absolutely nothing about you, which is also a huge plus for you!"

"Y/n, please, that's not it at all." He looked hurt. Good, I thought, he hurt me too. I knew how unbelievable most of the stuff I said was, but in the heat of the moment it just came out. I didn't leave the room though, I wanted an answer. A reaction. Maybe even an insult or a personal defence.

"Let's talk." He sat down with a tired expression that screamed 'I give up'. It scared me.

I sat back down not looking at him.

"It's true that I don't share anything about myself, but I promise, it has nothing to do with you. And I assure you, I don't mean to hurt you in anyway. I don't ask things to make fun of you or anything, I'm just... I don't know, I guess you could say I'm starved for human interaction" He chuckled awkwardly. Regret pierced through my heart.

"And what I said wasn't meant to be an insult. I think it's cool that you know yourself so well. Like, I might like ice cream one day and the next day I'll hate it... That's stupid sorry, what I mean is-" he searched for the right words but couldn't find them. He just sighed and gave in.

"I'm sorry okay? What can I do for you to forgive me?"

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