𝐇𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞 [𝐇.𝐒]

𝟑𝟖

Maybe this love is mad
You're filling every thought I have

Now I've stayed too long
And there's no turning back

Might as well dance

Will they Won't they -Jeremy Shada
__

"CHARLOTTE"

My body lifted off from the bed as I looked around panicked and distorted not knowing where I was.

My frantic eyes tried to make sense of my new reality or just still stuck inside my head. Slowly the room started to make sense as the familiar walls brought me to the conclusion I wasn't back there, I was safe.

I could feel beside me his hands hovering over my body just waiting for me to be ready to be touched, I didn't make him wait as I slumped onto him letting all my weight lay on him as I took a deep breath.

He sighed as he curled his arms tightly around me keeping me secure and clinged on him.

"You okay baby?"

I felt tired.

Dreams, nightmares and paranoias were coming back to me on full speed trapping me in my body as I have to wait it until it's over or Harry waking me up roughly.

I felt horrible he had to deal with my screaming, my cries for help. Without any source to feed that little addiction everything I tried to pack down was coming up. Regret was something I was feeling constantly with this new sense of being sober, it was more aggressive than before.

It was draining me even when the fever had passed.

"I'm just a bit out of it" I leaned my head agaisnt his shoulder panting slightly.

He hummed in response.

Another thing I felt bad was the mood swings, I knew I wasn't being the nicest or even bearable girlfriend since before bed I had been in a angry fit the past 78 hours.

If I wasn't angry I was just an anxious mess.

"Go back to sleep, I'll be back" I told him pulling away from his warm and safe bubble hoping off the bed and leaving the room.

I could feel my body beg for some relief and there wasn't any way I could give it. Harry and I had gone through his house throwing everything away that could make me relapse, even period pills I had to throw away for now.

I didn't trust myself at this stage.

"Charlie, come back to bed. It's 1 am and you haven't eaten or properly slept for a day" I jumped at the sound of his voice, I watched his face wash with concern seeing the small bags under his eyes.

I kicked myself for doing this to him.

"I can't...it's too much" I told him wrapping my arms around my body as looked away "I just..."

I could feel angry bubble inside me as everything was processing back to, every single detail. It made my skin heat up as I gritted myself, the selft hatred was growing by the second.

"Charlie, stop" Harry's large hands gripped my face pulling at my lips as I stared at him.

I traced the seems of my lower lip with my tongue immediately tasting the metalic flavor.

I sighed closing my eyes as I felt it them sting from the tears. I really felt everything around me just try and collapse on top of me, the support I had was gone and I needed a new one.