Metanoia | J.JK

chapter twenty six

y / n

I put the damp of alcohol slowly on his lips. He hissed in pain, grabbing the sheets that he was sitting down. He looks down on me while I stare at nothing.

"Are you okay?" He asks me worriedly.

I nodded. "Yeah, just tired."

I closed the med kit and placed it inside of the drawer. Sitting on the bed right beside of him. We sat in silence, thinking about what ever goes in our mind.

I remember everything. Every single detail that happened. From where he dragged me in the hallway to when he confessed me outside in the twilight. He was sweet, now I'm scared of him.

I can't never be with him. We don't match. I'll rather be hurt than be even more hurt when I'm going to be with him. It will all pass away.

"Do you know what Jungkook said to you?"

I shook my head, biting my lip anxiously. He nods, intertwining his fingers together.

"It must've been important to him—"

"Why are you lying, Taehyung?"

"What?" He confusingly asked me with a deep frown. I glanced to the side and stared at him right in the eye.

"You know what he said, you know what we did. Why do keep asking me the same question over and over again?"

He sighs, "Just want to know if it's really true, I wasn't sober that night. Anyways, I'll leave you alone. I don't want to annoy you anymore." He weakly smiled as he leaves silently, closing the door.

I laid on my back, pulling my leg to my chest. Such a manly smell, it's Taehyung's. I could recognize it, eyes closed.

Closing my eyes, I let myself enjoy the moment in peace. I should skip tonight's meal and be alone for once.

❣︎

More than a week has passed. I didn't feel the same as before. No excitement to wake up in the morning. I didn't feel any joy when Jungkook passed by me hurriedly in his office.

We completely ignored each other. He didn't spare a glance at me neither did I. I didn't care if he came late at night, I didn't care if he bled by accident and I didn't care if he got angry.

I wish all of that were true. I cared so much about him even when he hurt me. I know it was accident. But I can't just forget it.

I fell for him pretty hard. Taehyung kept me company all along. I didn't mind his kindness but it sometimes led to anger. Jungkook once threw away his plate on the floor because we were the only talking.

"Y/n, you're spacing out again," Jisung said, dropping his controller on the table and held my hand with comfort.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I excused myself with a smile. "Just thinking."

He sighs, getting up and arranging his stuff. Confused as I am, I helped him. I glanced at the clock that was indicating 9 p.m. It wasn't past his bedtime since it was Saturday.

"I'm also tired, you should go sleep."

"Okay, if that's what you want."

He nods, sitting on his bed and taking his phone. Probably texting his friends, so I went out of his room to give him the privacy he needs.

"Sweet dreams," I whispered as he smiled.

I closed the door, leaning against it. I bored him, I'm getting boring. I should be giving him fun and joy. But this week isn't my best. I'm sorry Jisung, bear with me a little longer.

Taking small steps towards my room, I felt myself getting tired. My eyes are getting droopy and there was dark circles under them. I lost my glow. I should start doing a routine soon.

"Y/n," I heard someone whisper yelling my name. I look back to see Jungkook in his normal state. What does he want now?

I look back, ignoring his call. He still didn't apologized to me. He should soon, because I'm waiting impatiently. So many questions were running in my mind because of him.

I felt his hand on my shoulder, making my body turn around to face him. I didn't dared to look at his eyes. Focusing on the floor, I could see his toes curling.

"I like you, Y/n."

"That's what you want to tell me? Not an apology not anything but you liking me? Are you sick?" I burst out, not able to contain myself any longer.

"For fuck's sake, Y/n. I fucking told you so many sorry and yet you ignore me, you still want me to go on my knees and beg? I would but I'm sure you'll walk past me."

"Since when you told me sorry?"

"Since the day after the incident. I apologized when we were alone but you were always spacing out and ignoring me."

He talked like a child at this moment. It was true I wasn't in my right mind and I wasn't listening to anyone. But I would've surely heard him saying sorry to the least. He never lied to me, so why would he now?

"Jisung went to sleep early today. He requested me to go to sleep so yeah, I should go."

"Are we going to keep denying the fact that we like each other?" He clasps his cold fingers around my wrist, not letting me go.

There's so many reasons why we shouldn't be together. His social rank, his parents : especially his father, the way he could put us in danger because of stupid job. I don't want to risk it all to get kicked out and go back home.

"God dammit, Y/n! I can't sleep, I can't think properly and I just can't stop thinking about you. I'm regretting what I did, I feel like I should punish myself. This whole thing is so confusing."

"Let me go," I muttered. "I don't like you."

"Stop denying! We like each other, that's it. We shouldn't worry about anything else, what's stopping you?"

"Nothing, just nothing. We agreed on being partners not lovers. You're the one who said on the contract, no love, no interaction and no feelings. Why are you turning back on your words?"

"I can't control my fucking feelings. I love you so much, you don't even realize it. Sometimes I want to fucking kiss you, hug you and just to be next to you."

I felt like crying. It was my first time ever to hear a confession from someone. It's so hard to deny a confession like this, but I can't. What might happen if I said no? He'll get mad, smash the door and what else?

"I can't. I can't love someone like you, someone who always get mad over small things. You're someone I can't handle physically and mentally. I can't imagine being with you in the future."

His shoulders sank down, his eyes stared at mine with sadness. He bits his lip from preventing to released any words. He turns around as I meet his back.

Then he walks away. In my perceptive, he was too overwhelmed by what I've said that he couldn't say anything. I knew he wanted to say so much more but I had to stop him.

We aren't meant to be together.