Make Me Beg [BL]

Chapter 29

Time passed slowly.

Being alone was harder than I thought. I was okay before, before they were both engraved into my daily routine. It was more than that, I was completely consumed in everything about them.

I didn't know how to be okay and alone at the same time.

It was different than before. I've grown used to being spoiled with attention, their attention. I didn't have to worry when I looked at my phone, I knew there would be a text waiting. If I left my room, Kyler would always be there, as if he were waiting for me. If I wanted to see Rylan, we would meet halfway.

I couldn't do that right now and I didn't feel okay.

I felt empty and anxious and sad all at once.

I wanted to see them but they were on a date without me. Telling myself they needed time for themselves only helped so much. Because while I knew they did, I was selfish and have grown too dependent on them.

It's only been two hours since Kyler left to pick Rylan up. Rylan texted me a picture of them together an hour ago but that's it. They're busy, I thought, and I'm supposed to be busy too.

I tried texting Rylan about how my night was going but after I typed out the lie, I quickly deleted it. I didn't want to lie anymore, hopefully he'll just think I'm busy.

Two hours later and I was just growing more anxious. There was no explanation for my anxiety, all I knew was that it was slowly consuming me.

I cleaned for a while. And not just a light sweep of each room, no- I brought out all the cleaning supplies and pulled a pair of gloves on. Mom would be proud.

She always used to scold how I cleaned. With a click of her tongue, she'd take whatever I was holding and clean whatever I just had. And somehow, it always looked better. A momma's touch, she would say.

Sammy cleaned with me. Every room I went to, he followed and laid down until it was time to move to the next room. He sleeps a lot, I felt jealous, I'm tired too.

Our apartment was usually pretty clean, but we never set days aside to deep clean like this. I wanted a distraction, something to keep my mind off Kyler and Rylan. A smaller part of me did it so Kyler would praise me and give me a few minutes of extra attention.

Unlike at home, I didn't burn out halfway and want to stop. I continued on and looked for other things to clean just as I thought I ran out. He'll be happy if I do this, I thought as I scrubbed the kitchen floor, and he'll like me more.

Sammy sneezed from the chemicals.

Lucas wasn't home so I was completely alone, save for Sammy. I wouldn't have even minded his company. Earlier, I silently hoped he didn't have work but it turned out he did. An adults life.