Work in Progress

Chapter 48: Changes

-PART THREE-

*ELI'S POV*

It's been a week since I woke up at the hospital and I gotta tell you. I'm not loving it. If there's one place in the world I hate the most, it's the hospital. It doesn't help either that I've been stuck in bed this whole time. Talk about deja vu.

My aunt hasn't left my side at all, bringing all her work into my room and only leaving to get a fresh set of clothes and the occasional work calls. I told her to just take a break but apparently she was working my case. Oopsies.

The police came by a few days ago to take my statement. I told them what happened. I was on my way to see Sam when I ran into Evan. He threatened to hurt Sam so I agreed to talk with him somewhere else since Sam was just across the street. He brought us to an abandoned building in the outskirts of town and our conversation got heated. He was pulling out a gun when I heard the others arrive so I tackled him. I got shot. When I came to, he was walking towards Sam with the gun still in his hand. I tackled him again and shot him this time.

Aunt Tessa said I didn't have to worry. Given Evan's colorful record and their witness accounts, it was sure to be ruled as self-defense. Although my past medical records came into question, my Aunt was skillful enough to prove to the detectives that I have been on the path to recovery for years. I was a bit disappointed to find out that it's taking me longer to recover from my wound because apparently my body's going through a bit of withdrawal and the shock of everything that's happened is taking a toll as well.

There's no point in denying it. I am in shock. I'm not acting like it and instead going back to my sarcastic self but... I know something has shifted inside of me.

The progress I made this past year seems like a dream now. I don't speak unless spoken to and when I do speak I almost always say something that either annoys or flusters the other person. I've also been avoiding Sam. I act like I'm asleep or too tired whenever she comes by to visit, which is everyday. And I know I'm hurting her but I just don't know how to act around her anymore.

When I heard her call my name, I was beyond relieved. Until I realized where we were and what could happen. That short second of safety I felt was not enough to cover the fear of losing her. I already failed once at protecting her. If I hadn't gotten my senses back in time and stopped Evan that second time then I might not be the only one lying on a hospital bed right now or worse. She shouldn't be going through any of this at all. She deserves a normal high school experience. Instead, I come along and fuck up her life with my past-- no, my present. Who am I kidding? I haven't moved forward from my past yet. It's still here with me taking the same steps. If I hadn't tried to hasten the process maybe I wouldn't have acted the way I did. Maybe I wouldn't have blown up at Evan. Maybe I wouldn't have--... killed him.

Evan's dead. Because of me. I shot him in the heart.

As if on cue, the door to my room opens and a reminder of Evan walks in. I couldn't stop the tears from coming.

"I-I'm s-so sorry-y. I d-didn't mean t-to." I sob into her arms.

"Hey, shh. It's okay, it's okay." Vanessa strokes my back trying to calm me down. "You did the right thing."

"Did I?" I pull back and look straight into her eyes.

"Yes." She says it with so much conviction I almost believe her. "Evan deserved it. When he told me he wanted to stay in town a little longer to get away from all that I thought he meant it. He's been doing well this past year. Well, doing well at acting. I'm sorry, Eli. I really thought he was over you leaving already. I was wrong." Tears were starting to form in her eyes as well.

"It's not y-your fault." I try to comfort her.

"In a way it is. If I haven't been so out of touch with the others lately then I would've known Evan's been acting all secret agent again."

"What do you mean you've been out of touch?" I ask her, confused.

Vanessa gives me a small smile. "Let's just say it's taken me this long to finally get tired of how things are and realize it's time for a change. Remember those guys you saw with me before at the gas station? We were coming back from a mini retreat. It was like a mix of therapy/rehab/job fair/cult." Vanessa laughs at that last comment. "All in all it was great."

"I'm happy for you." I tell her genuinely. "So it's definitely not your fault. You've been stepping up-- or rather stepping out."

"And it's not your fault either that Evan's dead, Eli." I hung my head low. Yes, it is.

"Hey, look at me." Vanessa places a hand on my chin and lifts my head to look at her. "I know what you're doing. Stop blaming yourself. You of all people know what drugs can do to the brain. You acted the way you saw fit given the shitty cards you were dealt with. Evan was a ticking time bomb. It's better him than you or your friends."

"Why couldn't it be none of us?" I question her with frustration.

"Because that's just the way life is."

There's no arguing that. I've tried. I could never find an answer I could be happy with. This is life and we're not gonna make it out alive. But we still keep on living.

A/N: To anyone struggling with addiction or substance abuse, please know you're not alone and it's ok to seek help. The same goes for anyone going through depression or anxiety or anything really no matter how big or small... It's important to look within yourself but it's also important to look beyond yourself and seek others. Asking for help doesn't make you weak. It takes courage to admit that you need it. 

Song on top is So Love by Go Radio and inspired the line "This is life and we're not gonna make it out alive".