Work in Progress

Chapter 49: Common Ground 3.0

*SAM'S POV*

I grab my bag from the passenger seat and make my way to Eli's room. It's been a little over a week since Eli woke up. There are no words in this world that could describe how happy I felt when she did. But I also can't describe how sad I've been since then. I know Eli's still recovering but I'm getting the feeling she's making the extra effort to avoid me. Every time I come visit her, she's always either sleeping or too tired to talk. I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact that she hasn't looked at me since she woke up. Did I do something wrong?

I take a deep breath and knock softly on Eli's door before entering. The table her aunt is usually sat at is empty. I take the seat next to Eli's bed and see that she's awake, sitting up and staring at her hands.

I bring out a bottle from my bag and hand it to her. "I brought you your favourite drink." A second passes before she takes it from my hand and places it on the side table. "Thanks," she says, still not looking at me. I sigh and smile weakly not saying anything else and falling into the same routine we've been doing lately.

I watch Eli as she fiddles with her hands, something she's been doing a lot lately also. I didn't realize that she'd been staring at me until she called my name and I looked up to meet her eyes. I've missed looking into those brown eyes.

"I'm sorry." Those words are meant to reconcile but somehow I felt that wasn't what was happening. I wait for her to continue.

"I'm sorry I've been ignoring you. I'm not going to deny it. It's just--" She suddenly runs her hand through her hair in frustration, surprising me. "I love you too much to lose you. I know that doesn't make sense after how I've been acting but... what happened at the abandoned building... when you arrived and... Evan almost... then I shot--. I just can't let you get into a situation like that again."

I take her hand. "It won't happen again, Eli. We're safe now. Evan's gone and--"

"I killed him. I shouldn't have. But I did. Everyone else has been telling me I did what I had to and I didn't have enough time to think of another solution but I still can't help but think I didn't have to kill him." She pulls her hand away from mine and looks out the window. "I'm a clean shot, Sam. I could've shot him anywhere else. I can't help but think I wanted to shoot him dead."

"Did you?" I ask tentatively and she looks back at me.

"No, of course not. But what if--"

"There's no what if, Eli. You didn't want to kill him. That's enough." I try to smile at her.

"But it's not enough for me..."

"What do you need to make it enough for you?"

"... I don't know."

I take her hands in mine again. "Look, Eli. I'd be lying if I said I didn't get scared. Of losing you, of seeing you angry, of seeing you right now fall into a spiral. But I'm not going to let any of that stop me from staying by your side. I love you too. I don't care about your past coming back into your present. All I care about is you and how much I want to be with you now and until the future."

"You're too young to be going through any of this."

"So are you."

"I'm sorry I'm hurting you."

I shake my head. "You're not. Maybe a little bit but it's fine." She doesn't laugh at my joke and pulls her hands away from mine again.

"You shouldn't have to deal with this." I feel a pit in my stomach. I know where this is going and I don't like it.

"It's not a question of whether I should or shouldn't, Eli. It's whether I want to or not. And I want to." I was getting angry. We are not breaking up even before we get together.

"I think I need to process things on my own." She's back to not looking me in the eyes again and I can feel my heart breaking.

"You already did that for three years. You told me yourself you've improved so much more this past year with me, and Jane, and Kate. Tera is here too and your Aunt. I'm even glad Vanessa is here. Eli, you have so many people here who love you and want to help you. Let us." I was pleading with her now.

"I'm sorry. I just... need some time."

"I understand." I hate that I do but a part of me still wants to be selfish and force her to let me stay by her side. "But I want you to know I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here waiting for you when you're ready."

I get up and walk towards the door. Before I leave I hear her say again, "I'm sorry."

A/N: Sometimes all we need is time. Time alone to process and understand our emotions and thoughts is important. But it's also important to share these thoughts and emotions to others to get a new perspective. It may not be something we'll like but it is still a step further to understanding ourselves.

Song on top is I Will by Music Travel Love. I imagine it's Sam's song for Eli.