Church entered the Blue base at the sound of stuff being knocked over and glass breaking.
Church: Hey Doc, what the hell's going on in there?
Doc: Church, everything's fine. The patient's just resting.
Church: Doesn't sound like he's resting.
Doc: That's not Tucker, that's our new arrival.
Baby Alien: Blaarg!
Doc: He's got a lot of energy since his first feeding.
Church: Tucker. . . fed. . . the baby? Gross.
Doc: Actually, Caboose was kind enough to donate some blood. You know what they say, it takes a village.
Church: How'd you get him to agree to that?
Doc: It's amazing what Caboose will do if you promise him cookies and a glass of orange juice.
Baby Alien: Blarg, honk honk!
Church: But he hates needles.
Doc: No needles, turns out if you just show some bare skin, the little guy just digs right in!
Caboose walked towards them woozily.
Doc: It's like a miracle to see nature at work.
Caboose: I feel dizzy!
Church: Um, is he gonna be okay?
Doc: Tucker's kid drank half a gallon in one go, Isn't that cool? I think he's gonna be a linebacker, or a vampire, or a vampire linebacker! That'd be crazy.
Caboose: Ooooooohhh.
Doc: Anyways, blood is pretty important, so Caboose is bound to have some side effect like dizziness, or nausea, or sensitivity to light-
Caboose: I think I'm going to stop standing up now.
The Blue proceeded to collapse to the ground.
Doc: Or passing out.
Caboose: Church, if I die, I want you to have my orange juice. . . .
Church: How can Tucker sleep with all that racket?
Doc: Sleeping? He's not sleeping. . . He's in a coma.
Church: Alright, that's it. Get out of the way Doc, I'll take care of this.
Caboose: I can't feel my torso.
Doc: I don't think so. A newborn is really susceptible to infection, and disease. And cuddling. I only wanna expose it to as few people as possible.
Church: Doc, don't worry, I'm not gonna give it a cold. I'm just gonna go in there, step on its neck, and shoot it in the head, because that's how I roll.
Doc: Well, now you're definitely not coming in. And I think we're gonna send back your shower gift too.
Caboose: I'm still laying here. Why won't anyone help me?
Church: I'll tell you what, I promise to wash my hands before I destroy the abomination of nature, okay?
Doc: Sorry.
Church: Doc, seriously, you can't keep me from going inside my own base.
Doc: Church, don't make me pull rank on you.
Church: R-Rank?! What the fuck- I outrank, you don't outrank me, I'm a Captain!
Doc: No, you're a Private with a dead Captain. The last time I checked, that makes you a Private, with a dead Captain.
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Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Five
FanfictionRed Vs Blue, but with a twist! Ruby and Tex chased down Wyoming, but upon returning to Blood Gulch, they realized they had a lot to catch up on. . . Tucker has to deal with being a father, Grif has to deal with the arrival of his sister, The Reds ha...
