Voicemail: To hear these options in Spanish, press dos.
Church: I HATE YOU.
The thing finally beeped!
Church: Vic, it's Church! I need-
Voicemail: I'm sorry, but this person's voicemail box is full.
Church: *growls* I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna kill myself.
Doc: Uhh, what was all that about?
Church: Doc, we are royally screwed. Half our team is down, and I thin-
Doc: No, it's not, look! Caboose is already back in action!
Caboose wandered out of the base.
Caboose: I'm okay, I'm okay.
He then collapsed outside.
Caboose: I'm not okay!
Doc: He's fine.
Church: Like I was saying, half the team is down, and the half that's left sucks. So all the Reds need to do is attack us and we're dead.
Baby Alien: Hurnk!
Church: Oh right, and I have to kill this fucking thing.
Caboose: Also, I see a big ship! Now I know I'm hallucinating!
Church: Oh, and I forgot that part! The Reds also have an enormous ship that was sent by their command. Probably has a huge fucking weapon on it, like a nuke, or a biological weapon that's gonna melt our skin, or a genetic weapon that's gonna make everyone in Blue armor sterile. Awesome.
Doc: Hmm, maybe this isn't the best time to remind you that technically, I'm neutral in this conflict.
Church: Doc, I don't think this situation can get much worse. I mean, the ship is bad enough, but god knows what kind of reinforcements they have in that thing! Could be a whole new squad! Or a freelancer! Another Ruby! Or-
*With the Reds*
Simmons: Grif's sister?!
Kaikaina: Yeah, isn't that cool?
Sarge: You know, I always knew there was a genetic possibility that Grif would have blood relatives, but I always held onto the hope that he was a HORRIBLE byproduct of an experiment at a turd manufacturing plant!
Grif: Go. Home.
Kaikaina: What?!
Grif: Go home, right now! Get in your ship, uncrash it, and fly it home.
Kaikaina: Whatever, make me!
Grif: As much as I don't wanna spoil my reputation as a do-nothing slacker, I will not hesitate to beat you senseless and drop you in that ship myself.
Kaikaina: I thought you would be happy to see me!
Grif: How did you even get here? We're in the future!
Simmons: Hmm, I think I know how. Did you use your hyperdrive to get here, or just the lightdrive?
Kaikaina: Which one is the hippie-drive? Is that the one with all the knobs? Or is it the other one? With all the knobs. . .
YOU ARE READING
Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Five
FanfictionRed Vs Blue, but with a twist! Ruby and Tex chased down Wyoming, but upon returning to Blood Gulch, they realized they had a lot to catch up on. . . Tucker has to deal with being a father, Grif has to deal with the arrival of his sister, The Reds ha...
