Church: See him there, right there. The yellow one.
Caboose: The one next to Simmons, that's Grif.
The two were atop Blue base and were observing the Reds through the sniper.
Church: The OTHER yellow one. Dumbass.
Caboose: Oh, that new yellow person! Ye-oh yes, of course, yes, uh. . . He looked very scary, yes! And I know that because I am looking right at him. Right now! Yes! He's yellow! This is very interesting.
Caboose was completely failing to aim the sniper so he could actually see them.
Church: *sighs* You don't even see him, do you?
Caboose: Y-Yeah, I don't even know how to use this thing.
Church: Oh man, this is no good. Yellow armor. . . What does yellow armor mean? Is it like some kinda. . . Special Ops guy or- man, this can't be good for us.
Caboose: What if it's a new gun?
Church: What- Why am I even talking to you, ITS A PERSON! In yellow armor, WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT.
Caboose: Oh-no, wait, maybe they got their own medic!
Church: A medic? Caboose, we're not that lucky.
*With Doc*
Doc was still out on a walk with the alien.
Doc: See? My armor is purple! Can you say purple? Pur-
Baby Alien: Honk?
Doc: -ple!
Baby Alien: Honk!
Doc: Great! Once we learn all the colors, we'll learn how you shouldn't judge people by them!
*At Blue Base*
Church: Yeah, that guy is definitely some kind of special forces. Damn, first they get Ruby and now they got another badass.
Caboose: Maybe he's an alien!
Church: An alien that looks just like the rest of us?!
Caboose: And that is the scariest kind of alien.
Church: Why're you even here?! It would be easier for me to call random people on the phone and talk to them about this. They would understand the situation better.
Tucker sighed as he walked up onto the roof. He then proceeded to make a few weird noises.
Church: Oh wow, look who's awake.
Tucker: What the fuck happened?
Caboose: Oh- well, um. As you may remember, uh you were impregnated by an alien visitor who was on a noble mission to save his entire species from-
Tucker: Can I get the short version of this?
Church: Yeah. Ya got knocked up, ya got knocked out.
Tucker: Oh right, I need to start working out. Lose this baby weight.
Caboose: Yeah, y'know we should all start working out y'know uh, *whispers* especially some of us.
He glanced at Church.
Tucker: Yeah, some of us seem to have let ourselves go more than others.
Church: Are you talking about me?
Caboose: We uh didn't want to say anything.
Tucker: Yeah, that's why we said something. Fattie.
Church: Hey back off guys, I've been under a lot of stress. I've been carrying this whole fucking team.
Tucker: Where'd you carry us, to the buffet?
Caboose: He said it.
Tucker: What are you guys doing up here anyway? And what's THAT huge thing.
Caboose: That's Church.
Church: HE MEANS THE SHIP CABOOSE!
Caboose: He said it.
Church: The Reds called in a ship and it landed on Donut. Now they've got new hardware and a new soldier.
Tucker: Who, that new girl?
Church: Wha- girl? That's a girl?!
Tucker: Duh! The yellow one, right? The one talking to Simmons?
Caboose: Wow, you have really good eyes!
Tucker: I have to, I never got the fucking sniper rifle! Also because the only other girl in the canyon before Tex got here, was on the enemy team.
Church: You're positive that's a girl? How can you be sure?
Tucker: Dude, look who you're talking to.
*With the Reds*
They were still near the ship.
Kaikaina: The cool thing, is that I was lucky enough to be sent here! They said your commander died, and I needed to replace the missing man.
Sarge: What? Our commander's not dead. I'M OUR COMMANDER!
Simmons: And an excellent one at that sir!
Sarge: Thank you Simmons.
Kaikaina: Yeah! Your commander died and one of the troops was going to be promoted and I was sent to replace the missing troop!
Simmons: Wh-Wha-What's this about a promotion?
Sarge: Sounds like command made some kind of mistake.
Grif: I donno Sarge, I thought you said command never makes mistakes. That must mean you're dead.
Simmons: Seriously, what was the promotion thing? I'm SURE I heard SOMETHING about someone getting promoted.
The maroon soldier got closer to the girl.
Kaikaina: They said one of your troops will be promoted to replace the dead CO.
Simmons: One in particular? One like me? A maroon one?
Kaikaina: Hey. . . You're really scary! It's kinda hot!
Grif: Sarge, I'm really sorry you died.
Sarge: Don't be stupid Grif! How can I be dead if I'm standing right here!
Grif: Well if command was wrong about you dying Sarge, couldn't they be wrong about other stuff too? Like- Like. . . What if the Blues don't suck? *gasps* What if the Blues are awesome?! This changes everything!
*A Few Moments Later*
The Reds were outside their base with a newly dug up grave directly in front of them.
Simmons: Dearly beloved. . . We are gathered here today to pay our final respects to Sarge.
Sarge: *crying* But I was so young! And violent!
Grif: And that's what makes this so tragic.
YOU ARE READING
Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Five
FanfictionRed Vs Blue, but with a twist! Ruby and Tex chased down Wyoming, but upon returning to Blood Gulch, they realized they had a lot to catch up on. . . Tucker has to deal with being a father, Grif has to deal with the arrival of his sister, The Reds ha...
