Tell Me I'm an Angel (Frerard)

Entry Twenty-One: Angel Wings

Major smut warning a bit later on in this chapter - so yeah ^_^

Just watch out for the ***

Entry Twenty-One: Angel Wings

It was late, I wasn't sure as to the exact time, but it was reaching that point when night was now considered morning, and I still hadn't slept a wink.

I glanced down at Frank's slumbering form, drinking in the sight of my beautiful angel, because it was a gift; even more so now that I had almost died, and I was even more madly in love with him than before, if that was humanly possible, and if it wasn't, then I wasn't technically human, so it didn't matter.

As creepy as it sounds, I adored watching him sleep, because for a little while, I was terrified that I might never see him again, but even before then, it had always been a pastime I enjoyed. He looked so different, so much younger, and innocent, and relaxed, and that wasn't an expression his face carried often these days, so I had to enjoy it whenever the chance arose.

Which was why I couldn't tell him about what was running through my brain, and consequentially keeping me from finding any rest tonight, because I had already put him through enough. He didn't need another problem burdening him so soon after my journey to hell, and right now, he was happy - happier than I had seen him in ages, and I just couldn't bring myself to shatter that newfound joy with the knowledge of my own stupid act.

I had to keep it to myself, even though I was terrified, and the urge to spill my secret to someone - anyone who could help comfort me was borderline overwhelming, but I refused to be that selfish. I wouldn't stoop so low as to drag Frank down with me until I had no other option.

I realized I was being a bit too hard on myself, I had no idea that drinking a whole bottle of Livian would be accompanied by such terrible side effects, but I still blamed myself. I should have known - or asked someone, or just waited until I had gotten home; yes - I might have died in Hell if I had put it off a moment longer, but I might not have, and then we wouldn't be in another hopeless situation because of my idiocy.

I had discreetly questioned Frank about Brendon's letter, and more importantly, what he had said about the Livian, but apparently he knew little more than I did, just that drinking more than a few drops was dangerous - so dangerous in fact that Brendon had risked exposing himself, and us, to inform Frank of that fact.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad though, maybe I was overreacting. I felt nothing yet besides the healthy buzz that had been flowing through my veins ever since I had downed that bottle, and I had been addicted to drugs back when I was alive. I was no stranger to the symptoms of withdrawal, and I could handle them again - at least, I think I can.

I wished someone could tell me what to expect, more than anything, I wanted someone to tell me that everything was going to be okay; to come and clean up this mess I had made - or tell me how to fix it so I could remedy the situation myself, but that wasn't going to happen. I was struggling blindly through this, which is what I deserved for going and fucking everything up again.

"Baby?" Frank's voice cut through my internal worries, and I did my best to soothe out my features so he wouldn't pick up on my distress. He flipped over so that he was facing me, and I plastered on a fake smile while hoping that my acting skills were at least sub-par.

"Yeah?" I hoped he was still half asleep, we had stayed up talking about everything that had transpired while we had been apart for quite some time, and he had been drained from the emotional day.

"Why are you still awake?" he asked softly.

"I don't know, just restless I guess." I shrugged my shoulders, hoping he would drop the subject and go back to sleep, but this was Frank, and I should have known better.