Tell Me I'm an Angel (Frerard)

Private Angel Log Entry Twenty-Three

Private Angel Log Entry Twenty-Three

I awoke the next morning feeling slightly better; that wasn't to say my chest didn't still ache, and my limbs hurt, and I never wanted to move out of these sheets that still smelled like Gerard, but it was tiny bit less overwhelming today, and I decided to take my leave of this place before it got any worse.

I gathered up a few changes of clothes and some other sentimental items before stuffing them into a pack I found on the closet floor, I think it used to be Gerard's, but I didn't let myself dwell on that now. Just as I was about to leave the room, I noticed the corner of a book sticking out from under the bed.

When I pulled it out, I recognized the journal that Gerard used to write in from time to time. I had never prodded him about it, how could I when I kept my own, and he had never spoken of it, but now that he was gone, I couldn't resist placing it on top of my clothes before I tied the bag shut with an air of finality.

I couldn't look at it now, I knew I wasn't strong enough for that just yet, but I wanted to keep it with me, and maybe one day, I would find the courage to look at Gerard's private words.

I walked downstairs slowly, trying not to disturb Billie in case he was still asleep. I had risen pretty early, the sun was barely cresting over the horizon, but when I entered the living room, Billie was up and busy packing.

"Hey," I waved sheepishly, slightly embarrassed that he had witnessed my breakdown last night.

"Oh good, you're up. I'm almost done packing, and then we can go. There is no way we can take this all in one trip, but I've got the most vital stuff right here." Billie hefted a full pack up, and it was apparent from its shape that it was stuffed with books.

"Need some help?" I offered, internally breathing a sigh of relief at the fact that he hadn't asked me how I was feeling, or something like that.

"No actually, I'm good. You will have to carry some of this though," Billie chuckled as I settled down on the couch, waiting for him to finish deciding what to take.

"There is no way we are going to be able to fly with all this," I remarked when Billie added three more bags to the pile of things we were taking with us.

"I already thought that through. I got in contact with Brendon earlier, and he is going to open up a portal right outside, so we won't have to worry about it."

"How long have you been awake?" I questioned curiously.

"Pretty much all night, why?" Billie shrugged casually.

"Fuck Billie, you need to get some rest."

"I know...I did try, but I just couldn't. I would close my eyes and see everything that happened yesterday, and I didn't want to relive that," Billie whispered softly.

"Oh..." I trailed off awkwardly, not sure what to say. Miraculously, I hadn't dreamed at all last night, and I had been too exhausted to spend any time thinking about all the terrible things that we had witnessed.

"I'm sorry, this is probably the last thing you want to talk about. I'll be fine Frank, I'll sleep when we get back to Heaven," Billie stammered out guilty, lifting a pack to signify that he was ready to go.

"It's okay Billie, I can't just pretend nothing happened. If you ever need to talk - about anything, I'm here." I owed Billie that much after everything he had done for me.

"Thanks...I will remember that. Just not right now okay?"

"Ready then?" I lifted my own bag, grabbing two more off the floor and trying to balance them all without falling over.