Tell Me I'm an Angel (Frerard)

Private Angel Log Entry Twelve

Private Angel Log Entry Twelve

"He is still alive you know."

Billie Joe's voice cut through the still air after an undetermined amount of time, the sun was still high in the sky, but I had been lying in the snow long enough for my entire body to go numb, so possibly half an hour had passed since I had collapsed in tears.

"How can you be so sure?" I choked out, regaining my feet slowly and wrapping my coat around myself to protect my body from the biting cold.

"Because of the seventh prophecy of Joshua," he answered flippantly. Usually, his aloof manner annoyed me, but right now, I was just happy that someone wasn't smothering me with pointless words of comfort, even if I didn't really understand what Billie was going on about.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked warily.

"It's about you two - obviously. Well I didn't know that until I met you, but now that I do, it's as plain as day."

"I don't understand..." I replied slowly as I tried to rack my brain to recall the words of said prophecy. Everything had been such a mess lately, I had almost completely forgotten about it until just now.

"It isn't that hard to figure out, I'm surprised you didn't see it before actually, but I guess when you are involved, it could be overlooked. Still, at least one of you should have noticed," Billie replied in an exasperated tone of voice.

"I'm sorry we aren't all as smart as you Billie," I scoffed in reply, my earlier anger was beginning to resurface, but I tried to tamp it down.

"You don't want to be..." Billie sighed quietly as a look of pain contorted his face momentarily.

"Were you always like this...you know - before you died?" I pushed gently. I could tell by his expression that something was troubling him, and I was curious now, my earlier resentment forgotten already.

"No...well - I mean, I was always smart. I had a higher IQ than most people, which is probably why the archangels chose me for their little project in the first place." Billie scrapped some snow off a nearby rock and settled himself onto it. I sat down on the ground next to him, my ass was already frozen, and I could barely feel the cold seeping through my clothes.

"So they made you the way you were?" I asked when he remained silent for a full minute.

"I was recruited as soon as I died. I briefly debated ascending - I was no soldier, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to discover what life would be like as an angel. My thirst for knowledge wouldn't let me, and I came to seriously regret my decision." He inhaled heavily, and I could sense that relating his story pained him.

"You don't have to tell me this if you don't want to," I reassured him, even though I was basically dying to know by this point.

"No - it's okay. It's just that I haven't talked about this much - only Brendon knows actually." He tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace instead.

"He was the one that found you right?" I recalled Brendon saying something like that, it had just gotten lost in everything else that had happened recently.

"He did - thank god for that. I had been debating trying to kill myself before he discovered me. I was tired of being the archangel's pawn, and things had been getting unbearable ever since they basically overtook Heaven," he admitted ruefully.

"Oh Billie..." I didn't know what else to say. Angels could end their lives, but it was basically unheard of. Only two in all of history had done it, and the fear of the final death kept most of us from even considering that option.