How The Hell Did We End Up Like This {Kellin Quinn}

Chapter 11

Rayleigh

As much as I hate to admit, I think I may be developing feelings for my arch nemesis. Kellin Quinn was supposed to be the asshole in my book, the one that I hated, the one that I would tell my future children about to make sure they steer clear of assholes. Instead he was clouding my thoughts and making me develop an erratic heartbeat whenever I stood near him. I found myself wanting to hold his hand and wanting to be able to kiss him. I had to think of other people though. I had Ryan. He was nice, he was compassionate and let's not forget attractive. I was starting to think that we'd be better off as friends. Why are my thoughts consumed for someone I should hate? So much so that I'm ditching a very nice guy with a killer smile and nice eyes for something that just may never happen. Why are my walls breaking down for an asshole otherwise known as Kellin Quinn. I was guessing it was because of last night. Last night was the night I finally realized that there's more to Kellin than what I see. For crying out loud I saw him cry! I saw the big tough guy baseball captain cry! I saw him freak out over an alcohol wipe! It made my heart swell with all of these emotions and I couldn't control them.

And that's where it brings me today sitting at the kitchen counter with a cup of hot coco between my hands in front of my mom who looked both tired and interested with a cup of coffee between her hands. She had a robe around her as her silk purple pajamas stuck out from underneath.

"So why don't you tell me what's bothering you that actually asked to talk to me." She said taking a sip of her coffee. My hot coco on the other hand was still blazing and I didn't feel like burning my mouth today so I just stared at it.

I shrugged and swirled the spoon around back and forth creating a mini whirlpool in my hot beverage. "It's complicated." I said finally looking up. My mom arched an eyebrow and gave me THAT look. I smiled weakly and trained my eyes on the hot chocolate again.

"Ray it might be organized it might not be just spit out exactly what's on your mind." She said grabbing my hand. "I'm really hoping you didn't wake up at 9am on Sunday morning to tell me your pregnant." She joked. I could see her concern because 1) I'm never up this early unless I'm sitting in school or 2) I'm 17 and she's probably came to the conclusion that in of age and can't handle it.

"No, no definitely not that, I haven't even thought about going that far yet." I said holding up my hands in panic. She laughed and grabbed my hands.

"Ray I was joking." I nodded and looked down again.

"Mom, is it normal to have feelings for someone when you don't want to?" I asked softly. I looked up and saw her smiling at me.

"The heart wants what the heart wants. Is this about Ryan?" She asked grabbing my hand. I always loved when my mom held my hand because even if it was two below her hands always managed to stay warm. They always perfectly held my cold hands and made me feel safe.

I shook my head softly feeling my eyes well up at the mention of him. "No it's not." I whispered squeezing her hand.

"Well who is it then baby girl?" I took a deep breath and held it before slowly exhaling and looking at my mom.

"I think I'm starting to develop feelings for Kellin." I whispered she squeezed my hand reassuringly and I continued. "He's supposed to be an asshole and I'm supposed to hate him and want to throttle him for making me mad but I can't help but want him to be my asshole the one that I love and hate at the same time." I said softly.

"Well why don't you tell me what made you think like this." She asked. I finally took a sip of my hot chocolate savoring the chocolatey deliciousness in my mouth.

"He came over last night," she raised an eyebrow "No mom not like that!" I said in an exasperated tone. "I saw a side of him that I never thought I'd see. Sam slapped him across the face making a scratch and he freaked out over the alcohol wipe. Then, he cried because of what she said to him. There's so much more than what I see in school and I don't know," I paused taking a breath before looking at my mom's eyes "I think I'm falling for him." I finished. She smiled and shook her head.