How The Hell Did We End Up Like This {Kellin Quinn}

Chapter 27

Rayleigh

I can't believe my mental breakdown has come to this. I wasn't necessarily happy about this because I've been thinking negatively for a while now. Sam's words running through my head as yet I had managed to miss another full week of school from my thoughts and uncontrollable crying. I refused to leave my house, I didn't want to go anywhere in fear of running into Sam or running into one of her friends and her friends beating the shit out of me unexpectedly. Kellin visited frequently when he wasn't taking care of his siblings which was nice and Sarah and Tess made sure to come over for a couple hours everyday to spend time with their paranoid, mental best friend. My speaking was minimal and my thoughts were dark and I just didn't want to live in fear anymore. I didn't want to suffer. I sighed as I stared at the screen in front of me genuinely not interested in having any part of this.

"I got you signed up and ready, it'll only take a few hours of your day." My mom said sweetly rubbing my back, I didn't say anything back just sat there staring at the computer screen, I think the only talking I had done was with Kellin this past week.

"Online schooling is just best right now Rayleigh," she kissed my temple and patted my hair probably trying to fix the rat's nest it became from not brushing it. "Things won't be bad forever. It'll work out eventually." She whispered and walked out of the living room. It wasn't until a minute or so later that I heard the water running and the clatter of pots around the kitchen, telling me she was cooking something yet again that I wouldn't eat. I took a deep breath before clicking on the start button to begin my lesson. This was all so confusing, I've never done online schooling so I literally had no idea if I was doing this right. I was hoping that I was because I'm not going to redo it.

About ten minutes passed before I got completely fed up and closed the laptop, getting up and making my way to my room.

"Hey honey, I made some macaroni and cheese, do you want some?" My mom asked as I passed by the kitchen. I shook my head and continued my way on towards my room and slammed the door once I entered. This whole situation was starting to anger me, not only was I fearful, but I was angry at how absolutely stupid she was being. I hate high school, because apparently it's ok to put your ex's current girlfriend in the hospital nearly killing her so you could ruin a relationship and get your ex back. I let out a scream of frustration and threw a textbook from school across my room making it hit the wall next to my dresser. I grabbed my brush and started brushing out my hair wincing every once in a while from the knots and fixed my glasses before grabbing leggings and a zip up hoodie and pulling the hood up and walking out the door.

It might have been May and it might have been slightly warm, but my cold attitude was actually making me cold, not that I minded anymore. I walked and walked until I stopped in front of the park and watched the parents push their children on the swings and little kids playing on the monkey bars or sliding down the slide and having fun. I couldn't see the fun in anything anymore. You could fall off the swing and get hurt, monkey bars give you blisters. Slides stick to your butt sometimes, when you're wearing shorts. I didn't like anything about it anymore. I sighed before stuffing my hands in my hoodie pockets and walking away from the park. I kept my head low, trying my best to avoid people and be avoided by people. By the time I stopped walking it was nearing dusk and I still wasn't home. So I sighed and turned around walking back the direction I came, retracing my steps back to my neighborhood and remained keeping my head low as I passed the now empty park.

I stopped abruptly and turned my body towards the park before entering the gates as my body automatically brought me towards the swings. I sat on the swing pushing myself slowly as my brain racked up the memories one by one and making me more more sad

"Higher daddy higher!" I yelled as my dad pushed me on the swing. He laughed and pushed the swing making it go higher as I squealed in excitement.