1989
-
(16x15 but instead of Link it's Alex)
Stand there like a ghost
Shaking from the rain, rain
She'll open up the door
And say, are you insane, -ane?
Standing here right now, all the confidence he build up on his way up is gone. Simply gone. Looking at the brownish red medal door let's him rethink everything. He doesn't know if this was the right think to do anymore. He knows nothing is like it was when he left. Everything changed. Him leaving changed so much - for him, for her, everyone. Nothing could remake that mistake. He knows that leaving was the biggest mistake he could have ever made. And he needs to make it right again. He has no idea how but he at least has to try. After all that's why he's back - back to make things right again.
With a last deep breath he finally knocks on the door - hoping she was home but also hoping she wasn't. He doesn't know what she will say, what he will say, if she will listen or shut the door right in his face again. He shivers a little when he hears the door unlock and then squeal as it is pushed to the side.
"Oh my god." Her voice is surprised, her eyes look at him softly but also filled with tears and a little bit of anger. "Alex." Her voice is a whisper as she tightly pulls her arms around his neck. He did expect a lot but not this.
"Hi." He answers in a similar pitch as hers. Wrapping his arms around her as he buries his face in her hair.
He missed her so much. He can't describe how good it feels to hold her after what felt like years. She still smells like the prettiest wildflower field he ever knew, her hair is a little longer and also darker but she's still her.
"Are you insane? You're soaking." She starts worried as she unwraps her arms from his neck and quickly gets a towel while he's still standing in the door. "Give me this. Take your wet clothes off."
She grabs the suitcase from his hand and takes it inside while he quickly strips down his soaking wet jacked and takes his shoes and socks off.
"You wanna stay there forever or do you wanna come inside?" She asks with a smile as she puts his suitcase next to what used to be their bed.
"Jo I-"
Say it's been a long six months
And you were too afraid to tell her what you want, want
"It's been-" He starts as he slowly walks towards her.
"I know." She interrupts him as she looks up from her hands.
"Aren't you angry? Or- I don't know hate me?" He asks as he takes the place next to her on the little bench in front of what used to be their bed.
"I thought- I-" She takes his hand and looks at him with once again teary eyes, "I thought you were dead." She whispers, tears streaming down her face. "And whatever reason you had to not return my calls or texts, I'm just happy you're not dead." She squeezes his hand, "Which doesn't mean that I'm not hurt that you were somehow able to throw me away and ignore me like some piece of trash."
He opens his mouth to answer but he can't find the words. He doesn't know how to explain why he did what he did. Nothing can excuse what he did. He knows he needs to tell her but he's doesn't know how.
And that's how it works
That's how you get the girl
And then you say
I want you for worse or for better
I would wait for ever and ever
Broke your heart, I'll put it back together
I would wait for ever and ever
"You are not trash, Jo." He breaks the silence that lingered in the room for a few minutes. "I'm sorry you felt like I was abandoning you. That was never my intention. I'm sorry I was gone for six weeks." His last sentences a whisper before he takes a breath and continues, "But I want you, Jo. I married you because I love you, nothing will change that. I promised you for better, for worse. I'm sorry I didn't return your texts or calls I just- I needed time. But I'm back to make things right and I understand if you need time now too. I'll make it right again, I'll do everything to make it right again."
His tone is honest, his eyes are filled with tears too and his voice cracks during his last sentence. She knows that he means what he's saying. She knows she can trust him. But it was so easy for him to lie to her and leave - to ignore her - she doesn't know if her broken heart will ever recover from it if he does it again.
And that's how it works
That's how you get the girl, girl, oh
And that's how it works
That's how you get the girl, girl
Remind her how it used to be, be
Yeah, with pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks, cheeks
Silence lingers in the loft for a few seconds before he leans to her nightstand and grabs the picture frame that she put there the day after they returned from their honeymoon.
"I'm not the person that I was in this picture because time went on, life went on and it changed me but I'm still Alex - the stupid idiot that loves you so much that he can't imagine a life without you. I wanna grow old with you no matter what. I'm your Alex and nothing will ever change that."
Tell her how you must've lost your mind
When you left her all alone and never told her why, why
"I- ah I have kids Jo."
"What?"
"Izzie had my kids. Twins. A boy and a girl, they are five." He looks at her to see if she wants to say something but she keeps quiet as she turns her view away from him.
"When we reached out to the Doctors for Mer's trial, I also reached out to Izzie. We talked and I heard kids in the background. I asked her if she had kids and she said yes. She was silent for a few seconds after my question but then said that she used the frozen eggs. Since that second my brain didn't work properly anymore. It turned into autopilot and all I could think about was to go there and meet them. They are mine. They are perfect and I don't want to miss another second of their life but I love you - way to much to ever leave you behind. I could never do that and you now that because I told you so way to many times. I'm sorry I didn't tell you and I'm sorry I left you not knowing where I was. I'm sorry, Jo."
"You have kids." She answers still not looking at him.
"Yes." He answers simply.
"And you didn't tell me." She replies, turning her head to look at him for the first time again.
"I was afraid-"
"Of what? That I get angry at something you did years ago when you wanted to help your dying wife? Didn't we talk about that exact topic years ago? What were you afraid of?" She asks, looking at him.
"That I might loose you because another woman had my kids. That this news is just another trigger to push you back into depression. That- I don't know, my brain wasn't working properly. I just needed to figure it out on my own first." He answers holding eye contact because right now that's all he needs in this situation - seeing every single emotion and reaction she wasn't telling him verbally.
"And I get that. You shut down before you come and talk to me but why lying to me?" She asks not breaking eye contact either because she knows in serious conversations like this he needs to look her in the eyes.
"I don't know. I'm sorry." He answers a little more quiet than before.
A nod is all she answers. She knows that he's sorry, he said it many times already, "What are their names?"
"Alexis and Eli." He answers simply, thinking about them for the first time since he set foot in what he once called home.
"You have a picture?"
"Yeah." He gets his phone out of his pocket and puts a picture up on it of the two five year olds smiling in the camera.
"They look so much like you."
"Mmhhh."
Silence lingers in the loft for a few minutes while they both keep looking at the picture.
"Please don't ever do something like this again, ok? Please talk to me or at least say something like 'Jo listen I need to do something. I can't talk about it yet but I will when I'm ready.' Ok?"
"I'm so sorry, Princess." He whispers as he buries his face deep in her necks.
"I know." Is all she answers, wrapping her arms a little tighter around his neck.
And that's how it works
That's how you got the girl
