Jo can't move. She's staring blank at the back of her mother-in-law. It's really him. It's his voice. She would recognize it in a million. Another chill runs through her body when he starts talking again. He hasn't notice her behind his mother yet, but as soon as Helen puts her arms around him he's looking directly into Jo's eyes.
"Jo?"
"Alex." He's letting go of his mother and stares surprised into his ex-wife's eyes.
"What are you doing here?" Jo can't answer. Instead Helen answers for her quickly.
"I invited her, Alex. After you called and said that you won't make it this year I invited them." She's holding her son's shoulders as if she's afraid that he would start to attack Jo.
"Well but we did make it. I- I didn't know that you two are still in contact." He's looking back and forth between his mother and Jo and takes a step further into the hall. It's only now that Jo sees the two kids standing behind him. His kids. His and Izzie's Kids. They look so much like her. Helen is about to answer when a voice comes from behind Jo.
"Mommy come. You have to taste the hot chocolate. It's soo good." His little feet stop when he views the visitor in the door.
"Daddy?" He whispers quietly but still loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. Within a second Jo's eyes grow big and she turns around to her son. He's starring at his dad, with watery eyes. Jo had dreamed about this moment so many times, in a million different ways, with a million different outcomes, but this has never been one of them. This is not how she wanted Alex to find out that he's a dad or her son to meet his daddy for the first time. Her back is turned towards Alex but she knows exactly what his face looks like right now. She's almost 100% sure that his face shows confusion and anger. The face of her son is the complete opposite. Silent tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he has the biggest smile on his tiny lips.
Jo knows how desperately her son wants to meet his dad. He had told her many times that he loves his daddy and understands that he's with his other family. But Jo also knows that he misses a father figure in his life. Sure he has his uncle Link, but he has his oun son and Parker is a little jealous about that. It breaks Jo's heard every time Parker askes why everyone has a Dad except him.
So now seeing his father makes him incredibly happy. Which he shows with immediately running towards Alex and hugging his leg tightly.
It's dead silent in the hallway. Alex and his kids are still standing in the open door, with Helen beside them. She's the first one that finds her voice again.
"Ahm- how about I take the kids to the kitchen and you two talk. I think there are some important things you have to talk about." She's taking Parker off Alex's leg and shows his twins the way to the kitchen after they took their coats and boots off.
Which leaves Jo and Alex alone in the hallway. They keep staring at each other for a while until Jo finds her voice.
"Should we- ahm- should we go outside to talk?" She asks a little unsure how to handle all of this. Alex is still wearing his jacket and shoes, so he nods.
"Sure." Jo puts on her coat and boots and graps a warm blanket while she follows Alex outside to the swing, which is hanging from the porch roof. They take their seats on the swing and Jo puts the blanket over their legs, to keep them warm. She's pulling on her sleeves, so they cover her hands and takes a careful sign to the left.
"I should maybe start, right?" She tries to play it cool, but she's nervous. This time she can't read Alex. There has been a time when she spoke Alex fluent but right now she has no idea how he will react. He's calm but she knows very good that he can explode in a second.
"Yes." That's all he says, so Jo starts.
"So- that was Parker, my son. He has a twin sister, Emery. They are three years old. I- I guess you can do the math and well- him calling you Daddy could have been a little hint too."
"So they are mine." He's whispering staring blank into the distance.
"Yes." Jo nodds, while looking down on her hands. It's silent again for a while.
"Why didn't you call me?" His voice is quiet and calm but also unsteady, as if he's about to cry.
"I didn't want to interrupt." Jo's looking up from her hands into Alex's face. He's looking back at her with sad eyes. She was expecting anger and disappointment in there, but no.
"I didn't want to interrupt your new family life with Izzie and your twins. You said it yourself in your letter that that's all you ever wanted, so I didn't want to disturb all of this by calling and telling you that I was pregnant. I understood why you left and why you wanted to be with them and I didn't want to mess that up. Because I knew if I would call you and tell you it would have put you in an unnecessary difficult position. And I didn't want that for you. I had enough people, I had a whole damn village, that helped me through that time, so I wanted to let you be happy in Kansas. I understand if you're mad at me because I did the exact same thing as Izzie did and kept your kids from you. I'm so sorry. I thought it would be better that way. I didn't want to complicate anything. I wanted you to be happy. You deserved that." Her eyes are slowly getting teary while she's talking, so she takes a pause to breath. Which gives Alex the chance to talk.
"You are my death, Jo Wilson-"
"It's actually still Karev." She's interrupting him while looking back down to her sleeve covered hands. "I wanted them to have the same name as the only family they know."
"Tell me why." His voice is still calm but unsteady.
"Why what?" She's asking.
"Why are you still in contact with my mom?" It's now that Jo realizes that it's not really fair what she did. Helen is still Alex's mom and they are divorced. She actually has no right to be still in contact with her. It's not fair that she kept his family just because she didn't have one of her own. She shouldn't have done this.
"I'm sorry, Alex. I know it's not fair that I steal your mom, just because I don't have one." Her voice is cracking and the first tears are rolling down her cheeks. "I should leave with the twins, so you can stay and celebrate Christmas with your family." She's pulling the blanket away and is about to stand up. But Alex graps her arm to stop her.
"Don't. You don't have to leave, Jo. Please sit down again. It's ok. I'm not mad. I'm not angry that you didn't tell me about my kids and I'm not angry that you are still in contact with my family. I'm not. I get it. Jo, I'm not that man anymore that left you three years ago."
She takes a deep breath and sits down again. He covers her with the blanket again and keeps going.
"I'm not that dumbass maron anymore that left his wife out of nowhere, that didn't return his wife's calls even though he heard her cry on his voice mails, the one that sent his wife a dumbass letter with divorce papers. I'm not that Alex anymore. That stupid corn town in the middle of nowhere changed me. And I don't know if I like it." He takes a breath and continues. "I would love to be your Alex again. The one that ignored you the minute Meredith had a problem. The one that asked you a million times to marry him and didn't let you explain why you said no. The one that beats up men that try to hurt you. Because that was me and you loved me with all those stupid flaws. You were way to good for me, Jo. I did a lot of crap to you and you still stayed and you still loved me and I never thanked you for that." He smiles at her softly and keeps going.
"But the second I stepped over the doorstep of that fricking farm house it was like I have gone back in time. Everything I did was wrong. I was too aggressive in her sign. She told me I had an anger problem. I used to many bad words around the kids, which she didn't like. My jokes were too inappropriate and I called her names too many times. She hated it when I didn't think before I did something. Everything about me was wrong. She threatened me that if I wouldn't change I wouldn't be allowed to see the twins anymore. So she put me into therapy. I had to go to an anger management class and she made me go to the gym so I could blow off some steam there." Jo's not answering. "Jo I made a big mistake. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to death, but leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. You never wanted to change me. You loved me exactly how I was, even though I was a stupid coward sometimes. And I'm sorry that it took all of this to make me see what an incredible wife, friend and person in general you were. You are the kindest, most caring, strongest worrier queen I've ever met. I'm so sorry, Jo. I was a crappy husband." He graps her hands with his right hand and squeezes them. Jo's slowly turning her head to Alex.
"Yes you were. And I could beat you up for this dumbass letter, asshole." They both have to laugh. They are back at joking and calling each other names. Just like the last three years never happened.
...
