To New Beginnings.

Doubts

After the conversation, I and Tyler shared he turned on the engine, placed the car on drive and slowly drove away. Luckily he didn't try to inquire me about anything whether to why I left or to where I was. All he asked was if I was okay or not. I lied, but he asked for an honest answer and so that's what he received. I'm not sure he liked the answer because I noticed how he stiffened when I mentioned myself as charity which I shouldn't even think the slightest about. He remained quiet as he was about to leave the car when I stopped him.
He turned to me a calm look on his face leaving it hard for me to comprehend his feelings.
" I don't want anyone to know. especially Anna. We can just say that I went out with a friend and forgot my phone in the car. "
When Tyler needed to think or was trying to figure something out he would remain quiet or if he answered it would be with the slightest, but now his answer was a nod which was good on my behalf. I didn't have to end up convincing him. 
Anna was the first to welcome me, but the smile on my face assured her that I was fine.
Correction * fake smile.
Before I walked in I had to take a breath in and exhale the toxicity to pass by them looking normal.
Luckily Anna seemed to buy it as she escorted me and Tyler to the diner room for dinner which I needed, but my appetite wasn't accepting to it.
I was used to faking things, it was also a way for me to lie to myself to make me believe that everything will be fine. Sometimes I even wake up from nightmares, but in the noon I lie to myself and say that it was all a part of my imagination.

The look in Tyler's eyes as he led them on me at dinner was like he was struct at how I managed to smile, laugh and enjoy dinner.
** act as I did.
   The look of belief was also evident from how good I lied he seemed to buy it as well afterwards despite seeing me at the low phase I was a few minutes ago.
People say I'm strong for acting like that, when I say people I mean Aaron.
He told me that I was strong for letting go of what was hurting me and trying to convince myself that it will be okay by disappearing.
I thought it was weak and fake what I was doing.
I don't approve of it, who am I kidding?
I don't approve of who I am.

" Did you have fun? " Anna questioned smiling at me as I was deeply staring at Adam.
" huh? "

" when you were out with your friends "

" oh, yeah. It was fun. We went to the mall and then had lunch and then had a scavenger hunt for my phone. Pretty fun if you ask me." I turned to my plate chuckling not wanting to face her as I lied.
I hated it.

" So you bumped into Tyler and his friends there or did you guys plan to go there so you can leave together? " Anna questioned eyeing the both of us.
My heart skipped a beat, not in a good way, but when you feel like you've been played.
Yeah, that's how I felt the moment she said that. I didn't even be able to reply I just smiled hiding my emotions as usual.

We finished up all of us cleaning behind ourselves before we rushed upstairs.
I caught Tyler in the living room waiting but followed behind me as I headed for the elevator.
As soon the door closed my smile faltered and I was the real me that was hiding beneath.

" Why did you act like you cared? " I asked him my heart hurting me making me feel dumb for believing he actually was concerned when he and the guys were really at the mall.

" What? What do you mean? "

" You showed up acting as you cared and as if you were concerned when you guys were actually hanging out? "

" What? No! I said that for mom not to bombard you with questions. I wasn't. Hell, we were at school waiting for you."

" Yeah, that will make me trust you. "

" Trust me, I didn't lie. "

" That's what someone who would lie would have said. " I retorted my eyes beginning to form tears at my naiveness for trusting them, him.