Fleeting on Dragonfly Wings

Up To Dick

I woke up in the middle of the night sad. I would normally, at this point, choose to cuddle up with Salvador, but all I had next to me was Aelianna. She was sleeping in lingerie with her boobs hanging out. They weren't much to talk about, but I felt my chest sink. I wanted Salvador here.

I slipped my shirt back on, easing myself out of the tent. I was out of my comfort zone, far from my ordinary. I crossed my arms. How intertwined our lives had become indeed. 

The smell of cigarette smoke hit me. A face flashed at me, illuminated by tiny embers. I flicked my wrist, muttering an ignition spell. Kane was sitting on a log by the now-dead fire. 

"What the fuck are you doing out here?" I shot.

"I can't zleep," he sighed. "Guess you can't eizher."

"Shut up," I grumbled.

"Zhat's a nice look for you," he pointed.

I became blazingly aware of the bruises, tiny love bites from Salvador I had started to enjoy, that graced my thighs and neck. He said he liked the way I shivered and gasped when he gave them to me. I liked how much he loved them. 

"You don't know anything!" I dropped my light. 

"Careful, or you'll vake Aelianna too," he tapped whatever he was smoking against the log.

"Fuck you," I started to walk off.

"Vhy do you hate me?" Kane sighed. "I don't get it."

"Why?" I flew around. "You stand for everything I hate." His face dropped. I could see it in the moonlight as my eyes adjusted to it. "You're a selfish prick who holds himself so highly despite barely knowing up from down. You don't think your own actions through, and I fucking hate that. Don't you see how you impact others, or are you moving without consideration? Or am I wrong? It's too much consideration?"

He didn't say anything. I suppose one of my guesses was correct. 

"Sorry, did I hit too close to home? Oh, wait," I took a step back. "You don't have one of those either. You have no place on this team because all you think about is yourself. You may have carved a little niche, but you're not comfortable. You could fall right out without a second notice."

"Can you zay you are any different?" he looked up.

"I can," I leaned back. "Because I think of how I can throw myself in harm's way rather than others. That's how I plan. I'd rather see myself hurt than anyone else. That's why we would never get along. I would find myself too often hurt, and you would be safe. Stupid fucking asshole."

"No vunder Zal likes you," Kane muttered. "You zee thingz zhe zame vay he doez."

"Yeah, well, I love him," I hissed. "And he loves me. It's better than I could have said for the two of you."

"Vov," Kane blinked at me. "You don't knov anyzhing about vhat ve did, and yet you make judgments so boldly."

"A year you were with him?" I held out my fingers. "Try three, babes. If I wasn't certain, I'm sure that things would have played out a lot differently."

Kane didn't say anything else. I walked off into the woods as far as my feet would go without shoes. I clutched my hands to my chest. My heart was racing. I had said that I loved him. Why could I admit it to other fae but couldn't say it to his fucking face? 

Or maybe I was trying to prove a point. I didn't think that Kane could ever say he loved Salvador in the way that fae truly loved one another. He may have had his own perception of love, what he thought was love for Salvador, but I don't think it was real. I didn't even know if he said it at all. Sal and I never talked about his relationship with Kane. I didn't want to know how it used to be, what similarities Kane and I had, or what Salvador had done for the both of us.  I would hate it if he loved me the same way he loved Kane.