Fleeting on Dragonfly Wings

Pitfall

It wasn't my first time waking up with someone in my bed. It certainly wouldn't be my last. My head was a bit fuzzy on the previous night, however, so when I opened my eyes to a beautiful boy, tribal symbols on his body, sandy hair and blue wings, I thought maybe I'd slept with an angel. He was my most recent conquest and certainly the most stunning. I tried to recall his name, something that rolled easily off the tongue. I watched him sleep, trying to recall. 

When he opened his eyes, I could remember. This bewitching siren that I found last night. Salvador. I felt so happy, just having him here. I wanted another round, so I could remember sober exactly what he sounded like.

"Ah fuck," he threw himself back against my pillow.

"What?" I sat back. "Was it something I have done?"

"No," he covered his eyes. "I shouldn' 'ave done 'at. You. Anythin'."

I pulled his arm away, searching his eyes again. This boy confused and allured me. He was a siren, I was damn sure of it.

"Because of your shitty boyfriend?" I recalled from last night. The rivers that streamed from the ocean. I hated seeing him cry.

"Yeah," he sighed.

"Stay with me," I crawled into his lap. "You cried an awful lot about him last night. You told me how terrible he was. It's horrid. You shouldn't be with someone like that. Be with me."

"I..." Salvador hesitated. I know he could feel my naked body against his own. I hoped everything from last night burned in his mind. Stood out against whatever else he had been doing. I wanted him to love me, only me. "I can't."

"Yes you can," I grabbed his hand, pulling it to my chest. "Stay with me."

Salvador sighed again. "No."

I felt a hole punch through my chest. It was far worse than any physical pain I had ever felt. My mind reeled. I couldn't believe he had said no to me. Part of me wanted to force him down, to show him how much better I was. I was clearly the better option here. How could he deny me like that? I felt like I wanted to cry, for the first time in the longest time, for two years I hadn't shed a single tear but now, in the face of Salvador's denial, I did. I hated whoever he was with for this.

"If ya don' mind," Salvador quickly looked away from me. 

I grabbed his face again, forcing those blue eyes back on mine. I wanted everything in my being to push myself into his head, to delete whoever else it was and come out the only thought. I wanted to know.

"How could you deny me for such an asshole?" I couldn't find what I was searching for.

"Kane isn' 'at bad," Salvador tried.

"Don't you fucking lie to me," I glared. "That's not what you said before. He's gotten you really fucked up, doesn't he? You're just his little bitch."

"I am...I am not," Salvador's face flooded with anger. 

"You sure fucking act like it," I felt my eyes widen. "You're the one staying with the toxic guy."

"Stop," Salvador sighed.

"He's going to tear you to shreds before you find the dignity to do anything, right?"

"Shut up," Salvador pushed me off. "Ya don' know anythin' about me. Ya don' even know where I'm from, do ya? How can ya say anythin'?"

He got out of my sheets, finding his clothes again. I took a moment to stare at his body, remembering how much I loved it. The tribal symbols on him stood bravely on his skin, marking him for who he was. He was cussing up a storm, getting his clothes back on. He cast a glance back at me, his hand moving to his neck. I saw it. The purple bruise that adorned him, marking him as mine. He headed out of my room, his belt and hat in his hands. 

"Salvador," I found myself saying. 

He looked back, his face colored with hurt. I had only pained him more. 

"I don't wish to hurt you," I sighed. "I'm...I'm sorry. I think you're making a big mistake." 

I bit my tongue. I couldn't believe I had just sincerely apologized. His eyes softened, his floodgates opening, showing me what a world of pain he lived in. I wouldn't have wished that upon anyone, especially not Salvador. He was such a saint, I couldn't believe he would deny me. He needed to be protected, to be held and cherished. He needed me. I wanted him so badly.

"Yeah," he disappeared out of my door. 

I sat there, astonished. He left me. Me. I was the charming one. The cunning one. The swift one. 

I screamed. Things around me flew up in the air, clothes, and papers I had just left abandoned. Salvador Salvador Salvador Salvador Salvador, why were you like this? I grabbed my bucket of paint, soaking my hands in the red. I threw the paint against the clean black walls. Paint dripped onto my body, staining my skin like blood. I gave way to the call of insanity. 

I came to laying on my floor. There were dashes of red paint along my body, my hands soaked in it. The walls were all covered in red paint like gashes drawing down its sides. I was scared of myself, whoever I was just a moment ago. I probably had the red murderous eyes of my father. I felt the rage again, wanting to pull me back in. I shoved it away, instead choosing to look at the last name written on my ceiling, to help me keep track. Salvador. How could you deny me, Salvador? Deny your boyfriend, deny your boyfriend and come back to me. 

I stood up, feeling dizzy. The paint on my back hadn't gotten too far into my carpet, I could clean that. It didn't touch my furniture or anything important lying on the floor. I grabbed a pair of pants, slipping them on before heading off to shower. I needed to remove myself from the paint, the blood all over my body. It was bringing my insanity back. I wanted to hide it away.