Tears Are In My Eyes And I Can't Stop Them (DISCONTINUED)

🔮💧⚔52: Parasitic Thoughts⚔💧🔮

»»-----CW: DEPICTIONS OF SELF HARM, DEGRADING, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND BULIMIA-----««

The two idiots finally left the dorm after a movie marathon between some horror movies: one got Mondo scared shitless (literally: he took a shit right after the movie) and another made Mondo hold onto Taka for comfort, while he held on for comfort as well. Mikans just happily sat there, comfortable as be.

Well, maybe physically she seemed happy

Now that they were gone, she was left alone again, to her, herself and her thoughts, the ones that especially ate and nibbled away her confidence and self worth.

In truth, Mikan has been eating pretty good lately. But she failed to keep it from returning back up in her mouth, in the form of an eating disorder. Now she was sitting near the toilet bowl, finished with emptying out what she had eaten that whole day. Which wasn't a lot.

But still enough to vomit out.

Her bandages were removed from her arms and legs, showing off the cut marks and burn scars that covered her skin, mainly thighs, shoulders and arms.

They were all just a reminder of what she endured through these past years from elementary to now; high school. Hell, her hair was a huge reminder of what she had to deal with, and what she took. She deep down always hated the uneven edges, and the split ends that she was given against her will. Her bangs were okay though, although she wished they grew out to a normal length. Pulling them back with a hair clip was especially hard for the shorter ends.

"Why do they a-always target me?" She sniffled, hiding herself under the sheets.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve..but it doesn't feel as happy as it should be.. Mikan turned over onto her back, facing the LED lights that bore a soft, blue hue, comforting her. We still haven't even figured out what happened to Taka. I haven't heard anything from Kirigiri, Byakuya, Hiro or even Mondo. I don't feel like I'm important or doing enough.. I just want to know what happened and how I can help. This is my fault..I should've went with Taka to the pharmacy..

Tears ran down her cheeks, the thoughts devoured her by now.

The silence was interrupted by the tone of Mikans phone ringing "Huh?" She took a look to see who was calling her this late

Hiro?

"Ay!  Mikan!  What's up?" 

"U-um..Hiro?"

"What's.  Up?"

"I-Im fine..It's just that..it's just that I'm worried."

"About what?"

"T-Taka.  I'm still worried about him, but I j-just want him to come talk to us!"

"Same!  But we can't forget that we can't force him unless he wants to.  As much as I want him to tell us, we just need to be there for him now."

"I-I know..."

"How have you been so far?"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay right now?"

"I just...I'm okay.  I'm sorry if I'm bothering you!"

"You're not bothering me!  Look, I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast!"

"See you."
.
.
.
Am I a good enough person?  Mikan laid back down, her eyes became numb with tears, her lower lip quivering slightly.  No..I'm not.  I don't want them to see me as someone helpless..but I can't even help my own mental health?  Nonetheless defend myself.  I was helpless back there with Fukaina..why couldn't i have stopped him?  I didn't want to make him upset, but why did I say it was okay to go through with it?  I can still feel his grip on me, and his hand over my mouth.  My head aches, my stomach feels nauseas..  Maybe reading some medical books will help me calm down for now

《《-----Mukuros Dorm-----》》

The door opened gently, a passed out strawberry blonde girl laid on the bed like a starfish would lay on the sand. The soldier quietly breathed, closing the door before she can go to the bathroom after collecting her pajamas on the way. As well as a gray towel.

Hopefully Junko isn't drunk, and maybe she doesn't mind me taking a quick shower. I don't want to use up all the hot water, besides, it's not like I need or deserve it.

Mukuro silently thought to herself, the water pressure was adjusted, and it wet the whole shower. She undressed herself, making sure the door was closed before she took off her bra. She knew her sister hated seeing her in general, so it's better not to piss off Junko. Especially if you wake her up.

Slim, slightly translucent hands ran down her waist. Cuts and small holes were bullets once pierced her were seen in the form of scars that Mukuro acquired from her military training when she was younger. The scars were lighter than her skin, as they had healed. But her memories hadn't healed. She was stronger now, but at what cost? Her torso was experientially more skinny than three months ago; her cheeks were slightly chubby (not in a cute way however, almost like she just threw up). The cold water against her skin made her hiss slightly, some scars were old, while some were new from a few hours ago. Not by the hands of someone else or intense training.

I shouldn't have cut that deep.

You'll never match up to your sister, you know that, right?

I know. I haven't eaten in the last three hours, and if I have then I just threw it up

And you'll continue to do that until you're beautiful. But it will never be enough, will it?

I know..

Now you're just that ugly stone faced bitch that everyone's scared of.

I do help my sister target people when she bullies, but if I don't then..then I don't want to make her unhappy

It's a you problem.

Would Junko care if I died?

Not really. So might as well start planning. She may just care for a few days

The water pressure dropped until only a few drips leaked from the shower head. The shower curtains moved to the side to let the dripping soldier out, she grabbed onto the towel and dried her short, jet black hair before her sickenly thin body. For such a thin frame she was ridiculously strong as hell, but it slowly faded away with her nutrition