Infatuation | Bucky Barnes

Chapter Sixty Eight

A/N: This chapter will contain spoilers for the Falcon and Winter Soldier series, so if you haven't watched it, I don't recommend reading this chapter. Also, I don't mean to do a time hop. I figured/assumed that it would take place two weeks after Endgame like Wanda Vision, but oh well! I really hope you enjoy it and I hope I'm able to capture the series. Two more things. I'm thinking about creating a playlist on Spotify that helps capture the book. Second, I'm thinking about making an alternate universe book to the story. Like what would happen if Bucky left Catherine in the car instead of taking her with him. I would love some thoughts on that. And get ready for some angst.

Five Months Later

The noise coming from the living room at three am was all too familiar the past five and a half months. She didn't have to reach over to Bucky's side of the bed anymore. She knew it would be cold, empty. She knew she would find him on the floor, covered in sweat, dog tags shining on his bare chest, trying to catch his breath.

The first two weeks following the reverse of the Snap were blissful in Catherine and Bucky's world. Even after the death of Tony and Natasha and Steve leaving. They were together. It was what they wanted for the longest time. And then the nightmares started. She could slowly feel Bucky pulling away from her. He was going back to his closed off self. He would ignore Sam's calls. He secluded himself to the house, not wanting to leave. So, she pressed him to see a therapist, someone to talk to besides her. Thankfully, she knew a good one and he obliged.

And then there was expanding their family. It was something they both wanted, but every month the test came out negative. It was almost soul crushing, wanting something so bad but you couldn't obtain it. It put even more stress on their marriage.

Then there was the affects of the Snap. When the opportunity came to them to fix what Thanos did, no one thought about the potential consequences. They just wanted to bring anyone back. It hurt families, even ripped some apart. It hurt governments. Broke alliances. New resurgences were forming. The world was become a dangerous place, something the Avengers had worked so hard to prevent.

Catherine withdrew the blanket from her body and quietly walked into the living room. He was sitting on the floor, thin blanket covering him, a distraught look on his face. She leaned her sleepy figure against the door way, arms crossed across her chest. "Another bad dream?" Her voice soft.

Bucky avoided her gaze. "Are they really dreams if they really happened?"

"Excellent point." Catherine noted. She stood upright and went to kneel in front of Bucky's sitting figure. It broke her heart every time he had a nightmare. And she knew it crushed him to be reliving his past. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It was...just another mission...Russia this time." His voice was shaking. "That man I've been hanging with, Yori. His son was there. His son wasn't apart of the mission, just some innocent bystander and-"

"There are no prisoners with Hydra." Catherine repeated the motto she knew all too well. "Have you...what's the word Dr. Raynor uses...made amends with him?"

"No. I'm having a difficult time actually. He's been so kind. I can't just drop it on him like that." Bucky admitted, his heart sinking more. He felt Catherine take his hands in her's, her thumbs gently brushing against the skin and metal. She had been so patient with him as he learned how to navigate this new world and bettering himself. It wasn't easy. Any of it. Being a husband. A father. A friend. A normal human.

"I had a thought." Her voice was quiet. Something was wrong. He could sense it. "I think we should stop trying to have a baby. It's just caused so much stress in our lives and maybe it's just not meant to be? I mean, we have Will and he's amazing. I just feel like it's even more stress on you and that's not what you need right now."