Forbidden Temptation (18+)

10. I don't care about anybody or anything façade

Phoebe's POV - Exciting I know, you're gonna learn some things about why she is the way she is in this chapter.... And beware, they are pretty triggering.

He'd been gone all day long, and I didn't even know where. He'd said the offices, but I could tell by the tone of his voice that he wouldn't be going to the actual offices - if they even existed.

It was going dark, and I cursed myself for worrying about his safety. Liam was a grown man, and a large one for that matter, he could handle himself and anyone that dared step foot in his path - I knew that.

"Concentrate, Phoebe.", I murmured to myself, my hands shaking as I held the needle and thread in my hands. Anxiety was a foul and overwhelming thing, especially when I spent the majority of my day pretending to be confident and hard-headed. I was completely the opposite on the inside. I wasn't strong and independent, I was weak and longed for someone to save me.

But... Was it possible to be saved from myself?

I'd made one skirt today, and I didn't even like it. I'd struggled for the past couple of days, I couldn't concentrate on the design and the calmness that it usually brought to me. Instead, since meeting Liam, I'd had terrifying thoughts about my past.

And sadly, my future.

I'd thought a lot about what happened when I was fourteen in the past couple of days, and I hated how it was because of Liam that I'd questioned everything. I'd questioned why I was acting like a spoiled brat - and whether it was doing anyone any good.

When I was fourteen, I'd met my first and only boyfriend, and he'd gotten me pregnant a week into the relationship. Being fourteen, I kept the pregnancy a secret - I hadn't told Brett, who I lived with, and he still doesn't know to this day.

Because I lost the baby when I was four months pregnant.

The babies dad was long gone before I'd lost that child. The moment the strip turned pink, he'd disappeared. Seventeen-year-old Jensen at the time had better plans apparently, but me - I wouldn't abort my child, I couldn't.

I'd planned to get a summer job and save some money to leave - to start a new life with just me and my baby. At fourteen years old, I'd become an adult. The moment the strip turned pink, I'd stopped being a child.

Brett didn't know because I'd kept it from him, I wore baggy sweaters and hoodies, and kept my weird food cravings to myself.

But, that day I lost the baby...

My hands shake some more at the thought and I throw down the needle and the material and curl my hands into tight fists. I stare down at them, still shaking and groan inwardly. "Come on, it's okay.", I tell myself, whispering to the empty room.

That day I lost the baby, and I knew something was wrong because I was bleeding. I'd bled all that night and woke up in the morning in a pool of my own blood. Instead of forcing Brett to take me to the hospital and admit that I was indeed pregnant at fourteen, I'd woke up and cleaned the sheets.

I'd had a shower - and tried to ignore it.

But the bleeding didn't stop, and the pain...

Fuck, my eyes shut tightly and my body ached as if I could still feel the pain that I'd felt then. It hurt more than anything I'd ever felt.

And just as I was reliving the horrible event that destroyed my life and my soul - I heard a knock on my bedroom door. My eyes snap open and I raise to my feet, already knowing who it was.

"I'm back.", He spoke through the door and my heart raced at the sound of his voice.

"Great.", I shot back - and hated myself for being so horrible to him. He was so nice to me, but I couldn't let him get close. I wouldn't do that to him. I was a mess, and broken, so fucking broken that it was unbelievable.

Liam was amazing, funny and sweet and intelligent and attractive - he was the full package. He deserved better than me.

"Are you hungry?"

I groaned. Why couldn't he take a hint and leave me alone?

"I've had a rough day today, Phoebe. I'd really like if you could join me downstairs. I'd like that a lot, but if not it's alright.", He spoke - and I noticed how sad he really sounded. He sounded desperate, as if he wanted me as a distraction.

To cheer him up, maybe? Was he insane? I'd been nothing but a bitch to him since he'd stepped foot outside that coffee shop. How bad had his day been, that talking to me would make it better?

I sighed, feeling guilty for treating him like shit, I make my way to the door and swing it open in time to see him turning to leave. His eyes find mine, and I notice that he'd taken another shower. Two showers in one day? Weird.

He wore grey sweatpants and a black hoodie. His eyes were glazed over and he looked... He looked just as fucked as I did.

"Pizza?", I ask, voice void of emotion - I'd gotten good at faking this whole I don't care about anybody or anything façade, it was really impressive.

Liam's eyes seem to light up momentarily. "Yeah.", He smiles.

And I find my own smile finding its way upon my face.

What am I doing? I have clothes to be making, and things to be doing. I didn't have time to be smiling at this man and eating pizza with him. I don't have the time - or the energy to fake this façade tonight.

But when he walks away, heading down the stairs silently. My eyes glance down at my hands.

Steady and calm.

And I smile to myself, cursing Liam under my breath for being the man that made me feel... normal.

Despite my thoughts, and what I should do, I follow Liam down my stairs and into the living room. And for once since I'd lost my baby - I didn't feel so hopeless and broken. Not when he smiled at me and ordered us pizza, and not when he leaned back against my sofa and groaned, relaxing beside me.

I wanted to kiss him, to know what he felt like against me.

But I knew that it would be too far, too much too soon.

"How was the office?", I ask. His tired eyes find mine.

He nods, as if understanding that I knew that what he'd said he'd gone to do today was a lie. He glanced over my face and I hated how it made my breathing quicken almost immediately. He had this effect on me, and I hated it.

"Difficult.", He sighed again, throwing his head back against my sofa.

I said nothing then - and instead, reached over to place my hand atop his that was resting on the sofa between us. He stiffened, and fuck, I stiffened too.

My body was moving with a mind of its own.

But when Liam's hand turned in mine, and he enclosed his fingers around my hand, I didn't regret it. I didn't regret it at all. My eyes find his, and he smiles at me, a knowing and thankful look on his face.

And I curse myself for having the audacity to fucking smile back.

***

Oh, well - now we know why Phoebe is such a bitch. Rightly so, I think going through something that horrible can do that to a woman, especially at the age of fourteen and being so alone in it. She had no one to talk to, and I just want my readers to know that if any of you need to talk - my messages are open, okay?

Thank you for reading! Please vote and comment. :)