Wresting from Danger

41

"Tony was the first one I saw when I woke up. I didn't really know any of the others at the time."

Bucky is holding both of my hands in both of his. It feels so good to tell someone, not that it changes anything, but it's not eating me alive anymore.

When I was telling him all of this, he would slip in encouraging words, anything to let me know he was there and he cared.

"I'm so sorry Morgan, about everything. You knew more of what I was going through than I thought and I just dismissed it. You didn't deserve that. What I did, or anything. I'm so sorry."

"You didn't know." I don't want to say it's okay because it really hit me hard but I don't want him to feel bad about it. I don't want to hang onto the anger.

"I should have known better though. I need to watch what I say, I need to be more gentle with you."

I'm pretty sure he's talking about the borderline cutting off blood circulation grip he's got but I ignore it. "It's fine Bucky really. You can't blame yourself, nobody knows."

"What do you mean?"

"I never told anybody everything. Steve knows the most but I left out a lot of details."

"You mean you've never told anyone what really happened?"

"I guess in a way, no."

He gives me a tight hug, "I'm sorry."

I hug back even tighter, "For what?"

"I know what being trapped in your own mind feels like. It's the hardest hell to escape from."

I lean my head down in his neck and cry. Too much crying but I can't help it.

After awhile we sit in silence, my head resting on his shoulder, just taking every moment in, watching the waves on the lake hit the shore. But eventually it for dark, we had to go inside.

We walk back and he gives me his jacket when he notices in shivering. He opens the door for me and we both run downstairs to avoid everyone, thankfully we made it.

We're wasn't much talking. We held hands the whole way back and we have yet to let go of each other.

"Well I'm gonna go shower," he lets his hand loose and tries to walk away but I hold on tighter, pull him in, and kiss him fervently. "I love you."

"I love you too doll."

I let his hand go, take his jacket off and plop down on the couch, but instead of putting it in his room I hug it instead. I wish Thursday never had to come.