Disarm

Chapter 21: Car crash Nightmare

**Billie**

'Daphne Noel Holland-Williams- Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter. April 19th, 1987-July 5th, 2020. Jason Elliot Williams-Loving Husband, Father, Son. September 18th, 1980-July 5th 2020. As is a tale, so is a life: Not how long it was, but how good it is, is what matters. - Seneca.' Next to Daphne and Jason's double headstones is Jade's parents. A sad reminder as I look back at my own mom who is patiently waiting on me to pay my respects to Jade's older sister who I met once and her parents who, I never met. 'Vivian Jade Holland- May 22nd, 1963- December 23rd, 2018. Loving Mother, Wife, Sister, Daughter. Edward Michael Holland- January 9th, 1962- February 19th, 2020. Husband. Brother. Son. Father.'

I wipe a stray tear away and set the small bouquet of pink roses right over where Daphne is buried; I seem to remember the ivory casket covered in sprays of various shades of pink roses and other flowers.

"I know you're probably not happy with how things with me and Jade turned out... and I want to fix that because Jade's wonderful, but you already know that she's your sister." It feels strange talking to a headstone knowing I won't get a response. "I love Jade and I love Chase and I know I fucked-sorry, I messed up. I know Jade said she forgives me, but I feel like she hasn't. Listen I know this is a long shot, but if you could send her a sign, show up in a dream, something? Let her know I'm sorry for being a shitty 18-year-old... I'd appreciate it." I wipe my hands on my shorts and take a deep breath before walking back to the SUV.

"That was sweet of you honey." My mom says as I get back into the SUV wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

"Her sister was nothing but nice when I showed up after their dad died... I just wanted to pay my respects." I say looking out the window.

"It was still sweet of you." I feel my mom plant a small kiss on the back of my head as we make our way back to the hotel so the tour can continue, and I can think about how to break up with Dakota.

"What if I went blonde?" I ask Claudia holding up a piece of Laura's blonde hair against my own.

"That'd be a great change." Claudia says cocking her head like she's trying to imagine me with blonde hair.

"With bangs..." I say dropping the piece of Laura's hair.

"Like how my bangs used to be?"

"Yeah..."

"I support this decision. Call Lissa, if anyone can do it. She can."

"Why do you want to be blonde?" Dakota asks looking up from her phone. I'd honestly forgotten she was in the greenroom with us until now.

"Why not? Change is good, plus it's time for a change." I say shrugging as I stand up and make my way over to the mirror. Maybe 30 minutes before the show isn't the best time to dump Dakota.

"Yeah, I guess." Dakota says rolling her eyes looking back down at her phone.

"If you're going to spend the entire time on your phone you can go back to the hotel." I say as brush my hair into 'space buns'.

"I wasn't."

"You've been on your phone since we got to the venue. I'm starting to think you're keeping shit from me."

"And I'm starting to think you fucked Jade while we were in Texas."

Did I fuck Jade when we were in Texas back in March? Yes. Did I fuck her last week? No. Did I think about it? Yes. But, if I tell Dakota the actual truth, she'll accuse me of lying, "Sorry you think that." Is all I say looking at Dakota in the mirror.