Disarm

Chapter 8: The air I Breathe

**Jade**

"Mommy?" I hear Chase's soft, sniffled voice call from the doorway. His shark and blanket clutched to his chest as lightning illuminates my bedroom.

"Come here, baby." I say opening the covers so he can crawl in next to me. The moment the loud rumble of thunder shakes the windows he jumps onto my bed and clings to me, like I'm going to save him from the thunderstorm.

"Mom?" I whisper loudly as I poke my head into my mom and dad's room. "Mom?" I whisper again tip-toeing closer to my sleeping mother.

"What is it baby?" She says turning over onto her side as she opens her sleepy, blue-green eyes.

"There's a thunderstorm, and Daphne isn't here."

"Okay." She says opening the old afghan so I can crawl in next to her as she scoots closer to my sleeping father and envelopes me in a tight hug while she hums me back to sleep as the rain falls in heavy sheets against the window.

"Mommy used to be really scared of thunderstorms too." I say as he crawls into my lap hitting me lightly in the face with that dumb shark. All he does is hum in response against my chest as I rub his back. "And she still kind of is." I mumble into his curls as his breathing becomes heavy and I feel his body relax on top of my chest as I continue rubbing his back softly and lay back gently.

Between the covers, the heat of Chase's small body and the non-stop rumble of thunder I've slept maybe three hours; I can hear Chase snore gently against my chest and can't help but think about Billie and how she insisted "I don't fucking snore!". I can't help but laugh a little at the thought and rub Chase's back gently while looking out the window as lightning continues to illuminate the sky. I gently reach for my phone to check the time 5:38am and see 3 texts from Billie.

Billie: i cant sleep knowing you're mad at me.

Billie: i didn't mean to hurt your feelings, you're the last person i'd want to hurt.

Billie: i'm hoping you're sleeping and not ignoring me.

I sigh and shake my head, setting my phone back on the nightstand before looking back down at Chase.

"Okay, Daphne one more big push!" Dr. Hawn says looking over the curtain between her and my sister's lower body. "You can do it! Okay?"

Daphne nods as she grips my hand and Jason's hand and starts to push as Dr. Hawn and her nurses count to 10. And just like Dr. Hawn said one more big push there he was. Chase Elliot Williams, 9 pounds 6 ounces.

I watch Dr. Hawn lay Chase on Daphne's chest as she and Jason look at the small baby then at each other, then back at the baby who they are immediately in love with.

"Do you think he'll like me?" I ask Daphne as I hold Chase. He's so little, but his presences in Daphne, Jason and my world is huge.

"He's going to love you." Daphne says smiling. "Kinda makes you want one huh?"

Not this way Daph. I'd like one of my own.... eventually I didn't want to take yours... I can feel the lump in my throat and swallow hard before the tears start run down the sides of my face. I take another deep breath as Chase rolls off me and onto the bed, his arm still across my chest as his shark looks me dead in the face.

"You know I'm going to have to wash that shark, and then it's not going to look like a hammerhead shark." I tell Billie as she loads the dinner dishes into the dishwasher.

"So, we'll buy him a new one." She says shrugging as she wipes her hands on her t-shirt like buying Chase gifts is no big deal.

"We will?" I ask raising an eyebrow. "You say that so nonchalantly."

"The fuck does that mean?"

"What does what mean?"

"Nonchal- whatever."

"It means 'calm, cool, collected'..." I say shrugging my shoulders as I close the dishwasher.

**Billie**

"I'm sorry ma'am, Miss Holland is in a meeting right now." Her chipper assistant, Leslie tells me, "But I can transfer you to her voicemail?"

"No, thanks." I sigh and hang up. It's been a hot minute since I've talked to Jade, she hasn't even texted me back and its starting to piss me off, I'm also starting to wonder if she just told her assistant to route only my calls to her. I groan in frustration and slam my laptop shut causing Peaches to stir gently. "Sorry baby-girl." I say patting her belly. I chew on my lower lip before looking at my cell phone again and decide to call her cell, maybe she'll pick up.

After 4 rings it goes to her voicemail. Okay, so maybe she really is in a meeting, I end the call before leaving a message and toss my phone onto the messy guest bed before pushing myself off and walking out of the bedroom and downstairs.

"Morning, Eilish." Fin says ruffling my already messy hair. "You made yourself at home up there yet?" He says smirking.

"Shut up." I say shoving him with my shoulder as I pour myself a cup of coffee. Since he found out what Dakota did to me, he insisted I stay with him and Claudia "at least here you're safe." He told me while he drove me in my car to his house.

"She's staying here as long as she wants and needs to." Claudia says smacking Fin's arm lightly.

"Thank you, Claudia." I say taking a sip of my coffee as I sit up on one of the barstools and watch the interaction between my brother and Claudia.

I've been writing out ideas for setlists and how I want the stage to look for the better part of the day, I guess? When I hear my phone vibrate for what seems like the 800th time today, since my temporary move-out Dakota's been blowing up my phone. At first the messages were everything from "I'm sorry, I won't do that again." And "I really do love you." To "Fine, if you don't come home, I'll have the landlord change the locks." And "You really want me to 'out' you?" at this point, I don't even care. It's not like it would come as a shock to people... now if I dyed my hair a "normal" color that would shock people.

I grab my phone without looking to see who it is, prepared to hear Dakota's nasally voice on the other end, "Hello?"

"Sorry, I missed your call I've been in meetings all day..." I can feel my heart in my throat.

**A/N: I just finished watching/listening to Billie's performance from ACL Music Festival and it made me wish I was back there.... Minus the heat... I miss going to concerts**