Disarm

Chapter 34: are you sticking around

**Jade**

"I have no idea what I'm doing." I say looking down at newly swaddled Chase. I know everyone is supposed to think babies are cute, and I'm sure my nephew will be adorable in a week or two but right now he's not very cute, like at all.

"That makes two of us." Daphne says smiling, "I can't exactly call mom and ask her for advice."

"I'm sorry." I say sitting on the bed gently.

"I am too."

I can't remember the last time I slept well, and every muscle in my torso hurts. I take a deep breath and look at the 'FALL RISK' bracelet affixed to my wrist and groan internally. I know a nurse will be in momentarily asking me if I feel like pumping, I know I should and need to my boobs hurt... not to mention they're hard as rocks. I adjust the bed to a more comfortable position and take a deep breath. God, I need to pee. I'm tempted to wake Billie and ask her to help me, but she's been up as frequently as I have to take a bottle up to the NICU for Daphne, or she'll stay awake with me at the ungodly hour of 2am while I pump and we'll chat about how we miss the townhouse, and Chase climbing into bed when he has a bad dream. I miss those small comforts. I wish my mom or my sister was here to tell me I'm doing a good job, because I have no idea what I'm doing.

"Hi momma." Kayley, my postpartum nurse walks in with a rolling pump and smile on her face, "how are we feeling this morning?"

"I have to pee." I say trying to hide the discomfort in my bladder and my breasts.

"Okay, let me get another nurse and we'll get you into the bathroom." Kayley says rolling the machine against the wall as she walks back to the door.

"I'll help." Billie says yawning. "I've helped her out of and back into bed before."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Kayley says walking over to bed as I toss the doubled-up hospital sheets off my legs and almost immediately regret doing so. Billie carefully wraps her arm around my waist as I push myself off the bed, it never ceases to surprise me how strong she is.

"I got you." She says as I stand up draping my arm around her shoulder as Kayley holds her arms out to spot both of us as Billie helps me walk into the oversized hospital bathroom.

This is a routine we've honestly got down. In the 3 days I've been here I've only had 2 nurses help me use the bathroom, call it pride, but I'd rather pee in front of Billie or rather help me onto the toilet so I can pee than have a nurse assist me. "I think they're going to try to let you go see Daphne today." Billie says leaning against the opposite wall.

"That'd be great." I say looking down at the floor.

"Hey...?" I hear her make her way over to me, "you okay?" she asks rubbing my calves gently.

"I miss Chase... and I want to go home." I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"We'll be home before you know it."

"Yeah."

"C'mon, let's get you up, so Daphne can eat, and you'll be more comfortable."

"Okay."

"Hi honey." Aunt Sherri says poking her head in.

"Hey." I feel a little better, Kayley helped me shower, and now that I'm wearing a pair of joggers and one of Billie's hoodies I feel more comfortable.

"Can we come in?"