Disarm

Chapter 33: Welcome to the Planet

**Billie**

"Well....?" My mom asks standing up quickly as I walk into the small waiting room.

"Is Jade, ok? Is the baby, okay?" Aunt Sherri asks setting her magazine on the chair.

"When can I see mommy?" Chase asks climbing off Claudia's lap.

"Are you okay?" My dad asks looking over his glasses.

I take a deep breath and look at the hospital issued bracelet on my right wrist, then at 16 pairs of eyes staring back at me. Waiting for an answer. Waiting to hear that Jade is okay. That baby Daphne is okay. "Jade is okay, she's in recovery." I sigh as I pick Chase up.

"Can I see my baby sister?" Chase asks playing with my loose ponytail.

"In a little bit, buddy, okay?" I tell him.

"Is the baby, okay?" Aunt Sherri asks again.

"She is. She'll be in the NICU for a couple weeks." I can see the relief in Aunt Sherri's eyes when she hears both Jade and the baby are okay. "As soon as Jade is out of recovery, I'll let y'all know." I say running my hand through Chase's hair as set him down.

I readjust my ponytail as I make my way tiredly back to Jade's recovery room, I stifle a yawn and push through the double doors to the recovery area.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I ask as I see Jade's eyes flutter slowly.

"Hungry." She says clearing her throat.

"As soon as you wiggle your toes, they'll move us to a postpartum room." I tell her moving some of the strands of hair off her face.

"Okay." She nods as her eyelids close again. "Is Aunt Sherri here?"

"Yeah, she's in the waiting room with my mom and dad."

"Miss O'Connell?" A NICU Nurse pokes her head in as she knocks. "May we see you for a moment?"

"Sure." I say standing up. "I'll be right back, baby." I say kissing Jade's forehead gently before walking out of the room.

"I'm Maddie, Daphne's NICU nurse. I just have a couple of questions and paperwork I need you to sign." Maddie says as we walk toward an elevator.

"Oh, okay." I say following Maddie with a million questions going through my head as we make our way onto a private elevator and up to the NICU.

"You and Jade won't have to sign in, but if anyone else wants to see Daphne you'll need to let us know, and we only allow 2 visitors per baby." Maddie says as we approach the front desk. "We'll just need a copy of your driver's license."

"Oh, sure." I say pulling my license out of my phone case and handing it to the nurse at the front desk.

"We'll make you another bracelet, so you won't have to sign in every time." Maddie says nodding.

"Ok." I nod as the nurse hands me my license and affixes yet another hospital bracelet to my right wrist.

"You'll wash your hands at this sink." Maddie instructs me, pointing to a sink in the corner, next to a wall of 'St. David's NICU Graduates', I can't help but smile and wait until I see Daphne's name on the wall while I make sure to wash in between my fingers.

"Okay." I tell Maddie as I dry my hands on a rough paper towel following her as we go through a set of glass double doors. The sound of monitors going off and babies crying is a bit overwhelming, but I take a deep breath as Maddie walks us around a quiet corner behind a closed curtain where Daphne is.

"Oh..."I say looking at her, now hooked up to a heart monitor and some type of breathing apparatus on her nose, Jesus I feel helpless and I'm not even her parent.

"Dr. Mullins mentioned Jade wanted to breast-feed Daphne, but since she can't get up here right now, we have a program where mother's have donated their breast-milk..." Maddie says. If I'm being honest, I haven't heard a word she says, all I can see is Daphne and how small she is. I don't even want to hold her for fear I'll break her. "So, if you can sign, here and here. We can start her on a bottle." Maddie says handing me a pen.

"Oh, right." I say looking over the paperwork Maddie was talking about; I really should have been listening. I haven't signed anything 'Billie O'Connell' since I was in choir. I sign my legal name carefully, but it still looks like a child's signature, Chase writes his name better.

"Thanks."

"Yeah..." I say handing her the pen. "Uh, may I?"

"Of course, take a seat," she says motioning to the padded rocking chair. I watch as she and the other nurse, prepare a small bottle of donated breastmilk for Daphne and then swaddle her gently. "Okay, Miss O'Connell." Maddie says holding the tiny 4pound 13ounce baby in her arms.

I take a deep breath as Daphne is placed in my arms gently, her breathing tube draped over my arm feels like it weighs more than she does. I look down at the baby in my arms and smile.

"Hi, baby girl." I whisper, looking at her rocking the chair gently as Maddie hands me the small bottle.

"She may not eat a lot, but just time how long she eats." Maddie whispers as she walks out of the small "room" dimming the light and closing the curtain behind her.

"I'm Billie." I whisper softly to the baby. "I don't know what you're going to call me when you get older, and that's okay. But, me and your mommy are so happy you're here." I sniff. Am I crying? Fuck. Why? "You have an awesome big brother who can't wait to meet you, and my mom and dad who will probably introduce themselves as grandma and grandpa." I chuckle. "You have to promise me something, okay? Don't leave your mom. She's been through a lot, I made a lot of promises to her and broke them. I don't think she's forgiven me fully. I love her, more than I've ever loved any one... Your mom has a lot of love to give; she's just selective about who she gives that love to. So, don't leave her... yeah? It'll break her heart. She doesn't deserve that... again." I say looking at Daphne while feeding her the tiny bottle.