Disarm

Chapter 12: Everything is Hazy

**Billie**

"Are you still in love with Jade?" Claudia asks.

"No!" I cough back the lie. "I just wanted replace the bracelet she lost a couple years ago, that's all."

"Ok Bil," Claudia sighs, but I can tell she's not full convinced.

And, if I'm being honest neither am I. Of course, I'm still in love with Jade, I never stopped loving her, did part of me fall out of love with her? A small part, sure. But I never fell fully out of love with Jade, even when I met Dakota, I compared her to Jade. But the only thing the two of them have in common is tattoos. Dakota is tall, green-eyed, has or had platinum blonde hair, wears acrylic nails, and make-up every.single.day. Jade on the other hand, is not very tall-but neither am I, has denim-gold blue eyes, has deep navy hair, and rarely wears make-up. They're both beautiful in their own right, but I was never in love with Dakota, in lust sure. In love. No.

"I can't accept this Billie." Jade says looking at the bracelet then at me as she adjusts the phone next to her laptop.

"Why not?"

"Because it's really expensive, and I told you, you didn't have to get me anything for my birthday. I appreciate it, but I'll send it back with Claudia when she goes home..." Jade sighs. "I need to get back to Chase and Claudia... I'll talk to you later. "

I sigh and stare at the black screen, I'm almost waiting for Fin to come sit across from me and say 'I told you so' but all he does is look at me with a sympathetic look on his face.

"What happened?" Fin asks setting his phone face down on the table.

"She's sending the gift back." I sigh rubbing my face as I toss my phone onto the bench next to me.

"I'm sorry, Eilish." Fin says resting his chin in his palm. "Maybe you can hang onto it and try giving it to her when we're in Texas in July?" he suggests.

"Yeah... maybe."

"Listen, as much as I dislike Dakota and think she's not good to you or for you.... Maybe you should focus on your relationship with her?"

"What?"

"You've been so focused on Jade since she popped back up into your life 2 months ago..."

"So?"

"So." He sighs. "Either break up with Dakota and focus on Jade or cut ties with Jade and focus on Dakota."

Maybe Fin's right, maybe I should break up with Dakota...? Or maybe I should cut ties with Jade, fuck, it'd be easier spraining both ankles again than cutting ties with her. "Maybe you're right." I tell Fin as I gaze out the window of the tour bus.

Dakota: When are you coming home?

Me: i'll be home at the end of the
month for like all of june why?

Dakota: Well, Holly wants to go to
Malibu for a week. Just thought
I'd let you know where I was going.

Me: ok have fun.

I don't really care that she's going to Malibu with her friend.... But come to think of it, I've never met Holly or any of Dakota's friends. She's met all 2 of my friends plus my family. I met all well most of Jade's family and some of her friends.

Dakota: Are you mad I'm leaving?

Why do I feel like she's trying to start a fight?

Me: no why would i be mad?
have fun in malibu.

Dakota: Ok, I'll see you when I
get back, I guess?

**Jade**

"No, it's a gorgeous bracelet, but I can't accept it." I say looking at Claudia as I set the bracelet back in the box.

"She put a lot of thought into it babe." Claudia says taking a bite of one of the red velvet cupcakes she surprised me with.

"I have no doubt about that, and I appreciate the thought behind it..." I say scooting the box toward her.

"Look, just keep it... you don't have to wear it, but at least keep it... she put a lot of thought into the bracelet, keep it sentimental purposes." Claudia reasons scooting the box back toward me as she gives me a look.

I sigh and set the box next to my laptop, "Ok." I know Claudia has a point.

"So, what did Jackson get you?"

"He didn't." I say licking the excess frosting off my thumb. "He doesn't know today is my birthday."

"Jade! Why not?"

"I don't want to make a big deal about today... it's just another day."

"What'd you do last year?"

"It was just me and Chase... I mean Aunt Sherri came down and we went out to dinner."

"Then, I'll take you and Chase to dinner tomorrow... cause it's already too late today."

"No... it's."

"Don't say 'it's fine.' Let someone do something nice for you, especially for your birthday."

I sigh and nod, "Okay."

"Miss Holland?" Leslie says walking into my office holding a vase full of pink and white carnations and peonies. "These just arrived for you." She says as she sets them on the corner of my desk with a smile.

"Thank you, Leslie." I say looking at the bouquet suspiciously as I stand up to grab the small card slowly.

"Of course." She says walking out of my office closing the door gently behind her.

With shaky hands and nausea I can't seem to shake I open the card, half expecting to see their from Jackson, half expecting to see their from "Chase" with the help of Claudia, of course; but fully hoping their from Billie. I sigh and see the unmistakable lower-case letters and know automatically she sent them.

i wanted to get you something you couldnt return-these cant be returned i asked. happy belated birthday love. -eilish

I chew on my lower lip and grab my phone ready to text her, but I don't even know what I would say. 'Thank you for the flowers, I still love you.' 'The flowers are beautiful. Sorry I lied to you.'? None of that seems appropriate to tell someone via text message. So I say the only thing I can muster.

Me: Thank you for the birthday
flowers. Thank you for remembering
those are my favorite.

I can see the text bubble appear, then disappear, then re-appear again.

Billie: youre welcome

I watch the text bubbles appear again for about 45 seconds, then disappear again like she decided against whatever she wanted to say.