Cigarettes | bts x iu

9

Jieun wakes up at the sound of alarm as she turns it off immediately and heads outside their house since it is where their shower is located to get ready. It is still 4:56 AM in the morning and Jieun is already cooking their dinner. She didn't want to wake her family, it has kind of been her new hobby to wake up so early so that she could escape the suffocating atmosphere in their house but at the same time, she's worried that with all the possible arguments that may happen between her parents, they may forget to eat breakfast.

Their house is just small, compared to the public bathroom for ladies in their building—their house is a little bit smaller. She always wonders how big the space would be if the bathroom and their house would be switched. 

She prepares a meal for three—Her mom, dad, and sister. She went to their room again which is just beside their kitchen and dining table and saw her mom and dad sleep. Her gaze went to her baby sister Soeun and her throat hurts like there is a lump inside. She's so felt so guilty and sorry for being too selfish—leaving so early just to escape knowing her baby sister is still here. Although she always made sure that they won't argue in front of the kid, she begs her trusted aunt on her mom's side of the family to get Soeun to play with her kids as much as possible.

Jieun went near her sister's side and kisses her forehead lightly. Tears falling down from her eyes every time she looks at her family. Bruises are still visible on her mother's forehead, she remembers the time when she first got those. Her mom shouted for help in front of her saying, "Look at your dad! He hits my head. He knew it is lethal but he did it anyway! He's trying to kill me, Jieun-ah." It was horrifying. It was traumatizing enough for a little girl like her. 

Her parents were like that ever since she was 4 years old, her little sister wasn't born yet. Her father was the one who cheated that time but still, her mom is the one who's suffering. Sounds of things breaking and shouts were filling the house. Jieun one time cries in front of her mom begging her to hide every time her Dad comes home because she couldn't bear to see her mom cries. Those memories still haunt her despite some point in her memories they were like those happy families. At one point she despises her dad, despite at a young age, she sees her dad as a monster to her mom but she couldn't get to hate her Dad forever. One time her parents were both separated because of the massive fights, she looked forward every time her Dad visits her.

She prays that this argument would stop, but she knew from experience before that the feelings of betrayal from cheating would be hard to swallow. She prays and cries for it to stop every night, it always haunts her if one day one of her parents will totally leave. Despite her hating her father at the moment, she still remembers what he said one night, "Both of you and Soeun are the reasons why I am living now, Jieun-ah! I could not allow that this woman would take both of you away from me. I will die before this woman and her other man will do that." She's stuck and she knows how toxic her parents are towards each other but what could she do? What could a 15 -year-old do?

Wearing her ID is the last task she needs to do, she went for their doorknob and slowly opens it as she exits their house. She plugs in her earphones and it plays Sasha Sloan's Older. This has been playing on the loop every time her parents start to fight again. She always remembers this particular line in the song— my parents aren't heroes they're just like me. As she tries to understand the situation and tries so hard not to let her emotions rule over her that may cause more damage to her mother or father.