All Of You

chapter thirty four || a grand gesture

M I G U E L

PACING BACK AND FORTH IN MY ROOM. I take a deep breath and let it out.

   I'm a fucking coward. I saw Vi at Flips two days ago and I still can't go up there and speak to her. More like apologize. She told me that she wouldn't forgive me and it's fine. I mean it's really not, this whole in my chest only seems to get bigger but she deserves better than me acting like a piece of shit.

   We have a game tonight and I need to be in focus. I can't be there but my mind elsewhere.

   Why the fuck did I think not being with her was better again?

   Cause you're a fucking moron that's why. My conscience answers me.

   The one thing I didn't wanna do, is exactly what I do. There is only one person who I feel could maybe understand me and I call her.

   Thankfully she picks up the phone and I immediately relax. "Hey, you," she chimes.

   "Hey." I sigh. "You got a minute to talk?"

   "I was just about to have lunch. What's up?"

   Without skipping a beat, I tell her what happened. I'm not one to be talking about my sex life even before Vi, I wouldn't brag on the details. Even though right now I'm leaving out certain details I'm telling her the important ones.

   "Okay, wait. Pause. Slow down a little. So you got upset because she never mentioned that she's on birth control?"

   "No, I got mad because once again I get wrapped up in a girl and I forgot to use a condom. This is all on me and I took it out on her."

   She sighs. "You have to chill. Believe me, I get it. Nicole was your first love. She did you wrong and you were immensely hurt but you cannot hold on to that forever. Violet is not Nicole. And it isn't fair to her for you to hold what the other girl did over her head. This is why you learn from your mistakes."

   "Did I learn though? I gave up a lot of things for Nicole because of her uptight ass parents and in the end she fucked that up with no hesitation and without looking back. Am I just about to do the same with Vi?"

   "What has she asked you to give up?"

   "Nothing yet but me forgetting to use a condom is a start. A sign of weakness—"

   She lets out a scoff mixed with a snicker. "No. It's a sign of your paranoia. You realized that you're madly in love with her and the fact that you aren't actually afraid to get her pregnant—because you know damn well that she might actually be the one and that's what really freaked you the fuck out."

   And there it is. My sister just said exactly what I have been dancing around this whole time. Seeing me without a condom and not actually feeling scared but instead I entertained the idea of a supposed baby with Violet is what gave me a anxiety attack.

   All my life I have dreamed with going to the pro's. Playing for the NFL. Making it big. Then here comes this gorgeous and perfect woman who sneaks up on me, steals my heart and has me rethinking all of my life plans.

   "I love you bichito! But you are an idiot!" She says and I scoff. "Do what you need to do, but get that girl back. And never—and I mean never—be afraid to feel like your goals or ambitions can be jeopardized because you are in love. You control that Miguel. You might still wanna be a big ass NFL player and have a family with her. Look at Mase, it's possible. You are an adult now, and communication is key babe."

   "I love you ugly!" I say to her and she laughs. My sister is the only one I can always count on to not give me the runaround or tip toe around my feelings. She always has my back and tells it how it is.

"And I love you! Now go get that girl."

The phone call with Mia was so much more helpful. I still don't know how I'm going to make it better though.

I sit on my computer chair and think back on all the romantic movies I've seen and all their grand gestures to win back their love interest. Twilight he turns her into a vampire and as much as I think she would dig that, well it's a no. 10 Things I Hate About You he buys her a guitar to make up the fact that he asked her out over a stupid bet. I don't think she likes guitars. Made Of Honor he breaks up her wedding. Friends With Benefits he gets her a flash mob.

The light bulb hits me when I think of her collection of movies that she has. Most of them are horror movies but I remember the few that aren't. Looking back at the clock I see it's still early. I have a few hours before the game.