AJR-Panic Attacks

Jack- 17 (Vegas)

JACKS POV

It's getting to that point in tour where I start to get annoyed. Annoyed at basically everything. Every day feels the same, and it's starting to put me in a bad mood. I try to not show it, but I think Ryan is starting to catch on. We go through soundcheck in Vegas like normal. They managed to get a few laughs out of me, keeping the cover that I'm fine still going. We do our meet and greet, and I feel a little better. The fans always manage to lift my spirits. We go backstage, have dinner, and then get ready for the show. I try to put all my problems and worries aside and just focus on the show.
We do our famous 'handshake' before the show, and our intro starts.
The first few songs were great. The crowd was loud but not too loud, everything seemed to have been doing good.
We get around halfway through the show, when I'm singing 'The Entertainment's Here' and I completely mess up the second verse. I never struggled with the lyrics before, and I start freaking out. No one could tell, but my thoughts went crazy. I was distracted for the rest of the show. I couldn't tell you if I messed up, if any of the songs were wrong or if I was even singing correctly. I just zoned out. I couldn't wait to get off the stage.
When I finally did, I booked it to the bus. I was supposed to change out of my stage clothes right after the show and take off my in-ears, but I did neither. I know the bus is empty for at least 30 minutes after the show, as everyone is cleaning up and packing their things for the next show. I raced into the back lounge and crumpled onto the couch in a ball.
I hate these. I've had a couple before, but this one seemed to be the worst one. It wasn't stopping. My hands tensed up around my knees which were suctioned to my chest, I was shaking like crazy and I was hyperventilating. The hyperventilating scared me the most, as my lungs felt like they're getting stabbed. I tried to take in just one breath, but I couldn't. I started crying, which I hated.

As long as no one sees me, I'll be fine. I just want to give everyone the best me, not the true me, because the true me is scared. Being scared is being vulnerable, and I hate that.

It wasn't stopping. It seemed as though I was getting worse by the minute. I heard the bus door open, and I get more scared. I don't want anyone to see me like this, but I clearly need help, I'm just too afraid to ask for it.

"Jack, hey, what's going on?" I hear Ryan's voice above me as he closes the door to the back lounge and kneels down in front of me. Through my sharp and tense breathing, I managed to mumble,
"S-scared!"

"Woah, hey..." Ryan comes up to sit beside me, trying to be mindful of not overwhelming me, which I appreciated. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest, making sure my head lands near his heart. All I could do was sob into his chest. I felt bad, but all he did was speak calmly and gently, easing me back to normal. My hands found his shirt and gripped onto it tightly. He didn't seem to mind. He gently rubbed my back up and down gently, and before long I had started to settle down. Ryan adjusted me to lay more on his chest in hopes of calming me down more. His embrace was the thing that was helping me the most, just getting enveloped in comfort. My heart rate finally slowed down and matched up to his, as I hear the bud door open again. This time it was Adam that walks in quietly, taking a seat next to us. As I finally calmed down, I was now preparing for all the questions I was about to get.

"What happened Jack?" Ryan's voice rumbled in my chest.

"T-the song... I... I messed it up... you guys were... gonna be mad..." By the last few words I had started to cry again. I hated admitting my feelings to anyone.

"Jack, why would we be mad at you?" Ryan asked. Adam stopped him, probably wanting to calm me down instead of interrogate me.

"Jack, it's ok. I promise." Adam mumbled. I settled down once again, hugging on tighter to Ryan. I still felt really weird, and he's the only thing keeping me grounded.

"I promise you we aren't mad at you." Ryan states. "We would never get mad at you."

"You probably just got overwhelmed. That's completely normal." Adam adds in.

"Yeah. It's not easy being on tour every day. I think you just need some time to decompress. Want to watch a movie or something?" I nodded. I felt like I was done speaking for today.

"What do you want to watch?" Adam asks. I shrug. I don't really care.

"Ok. How about you go change, and I'll set up something for when you're back." Ryan suggests. I agree and pull away from Ryan to go change.
I come back to the back lounge to see Adam and Ryan sitting on the couch, covered in blankets, with a space in between them for me. I sit down and see that Ryan had set up 'The Lion King'. It's probably our collective favourite Disney movie. I lean my head on Ryan's shoulder as the movie starts up. They had covered me in a blanket and we started to watch the movie. Slowly, other people from the crew came back to the bus, most of them going to play Mario Kart in the front lounge. I sit up a few minutes into the movie and look around for my phone.

"What?" Ryan asks.

"My phone." I mumble.

"I'll ask Ezra to grab it. It's probably still in the dressing room." Adam says. I nod a thanks before leaning back on Ryan. He wrapped his arm around me and I snuggled in close. I was so exhausted from today that I fell asleep before Ezra had even come back with my phone.

(A/N- thank you to @microsoftthird for the inspiration for this story!!)