AJR-Panic Attacks

Adam- 6 (Music Video)

ADAMS POV

"Ready and..... action!" The director calls out. We're filming a music video for 'come hang out'. We've done this take so many times already and I hate it. I don't hate doing it over and over, I hate that it's just a close up of me. I hate being on camera, and the cameras is really close to me.

"Cut!" The director screams. "Ok that might be it, I want to watch it back. Adam you can take 5."
Hallelujah. I practically sprint out of the one room into our green room. I feel my chest getting tighter and tighter; I can't breathe. My heart rate starts accelerating, and I feel awful. Miraculously, no one else is in the green room. I find a somewhat hidden corner of the room and sit down against the wall. I hug my knees to my chest extremely tight and break down. I think I'm crying, except I can't really tell because I'm only focusing on not breathing. I feel like I'm going to die. It hurts to breathe. Every time I tried to inhale, it sounded like a wheeze and a gasp all in one. There's no way I'm keeping oxygen in my lungs for more than 5 seconds before I exhale. I'm shaking a lot, and it scares me even more.

"Adam?" I hear above me. I instantly know that it's Ryan's voice. He crouches down in front of me, asking,
"You ok?" I shake my head profusely, trying to hide more in my ball. I don't want Ryan to see me like this. I'm embarrassed that he's seeing me at my most scared moment.
"Adam, hey." Ryan says in a tone so kind and slow. I notice that he sat down in front of me. He isn't going to leave me alone.
"Breathe." Ryan wants me to breathe, and I want to too. Except I literally can't.
"What can I do to help?" Ryan asks. I couldn't answer him. It's too hard. Ryan grabs my hand in his, getting it away from grasping my leg. I look up at him and he gives me such a sad look. A sad look for watching his brother go through something this horrible.
"Breathe with me, ready?" Ryan states. He inhaled at a slow pace; way too slow for my breathing currently. When I didn't follow, he sighs.

"Adam, you have to breathe with me, ok? I'm not going to leave. I'm just trying to help you calm down." I feel bad because he's trying so hard and I can't follow his directions. He inhales again, making sure I'm watching him. I somehow find the ability to follow his inhale, but as my breathing is still rapid, I go back to hyperventilating. Ryan could see that I am trying and smiles at the fact that he is helping. He's helping me in more ways than one; I couldn't do this without him. He inhales and exhales again, me following slightly better. After every deep breath, I'm getting better and better at following Ry. He manages to calm me down and I go silent after, not knowing what to say.

"You ok?" He asks casually. I nod. "What was wrong?"

"I... had to do my close up shot and I started freaking out." I answer, wiping the tears off my face.

"Why? Just because you were in front of the camera?" Ryan questions. I nod. He understands.

"Adam! We need you again!" One of the PA's calls out into the green room. I visibly tense up and Ryan caught on.

"Hey." Ryan starts. "You don't have to go back. I'll go tell the director to move on to something else for now."

"No, I don't want to mess anything up. I'll just do it." I sigh.

"No, Adam, you don't have to. It's no big deal if you wait." Ryan tries to reason with me but I prevail, saying,

"No, I'll just get it over with."

"Alright fine, but I'm coming with you so you're not alone, ok?" I smile at his compromise. I take a deep breath as Ryan stands up and reaches his hand out for me to stand up. I hear the PA coming back in to get me, and Ryan and I walk out together.

"Adam! Great, you're here. I had another idea for a shot of you." The director starts. "I'm gonna get you to sit on the couch, and we'll zoom the camera away from you. Got that?" I nod, sitting down on the couch.

"And... action!" The director yells. I watch the camera pull away and the director screams, "cut!" That was less bad then the up close shot because the camera was going away from me.

"That was perfect Adam! Exactly what I wanted. Let's go to the Jack hallway scene now everyone!" And that was the end of my shot. Ryan comes over to me and escorts me back to the green room. It is going to be a long day of filming. Luckily for now, I can sit down and try to absorb all the anxiety from today before facing the world again.
Eventually the music video filming is completed, and we head back to our hotel for the night.