Ice and Snow, Mind and Heart

Chapter 35: Comfort

Yuki sat, staring up at the sky as she leaned against a tree trunk on one side, and Sesshomaru on the other. It had been several hours since her meltdown, followed by an incredibly embarrassed silence.

Yuki was mortified at how she'd broken down completely, more affected by Kanna's mirror trick than she had thought she would be. It had been so long since she'd really thought about it, but then that had been it: her dark thoughts had had 170 years to fester in her heart.

Thankfully, Sesshomaru didn't comment when she had followed her wailing, weeping, and then sniffling before finally going silent.

"It is late." Was all he'd said after ten minutes of silence as he turned away, while Yuki wiped at the tear tracks on her cheeks with the backs of her hands. "We shall head back in the morning."

And with that, he'd settled down against a tree trunk, leaning back with his arm propped up on his knee and closing his eyes. Leaving a completely chagrinned Yuki standing uncertainly, shifting on her feet uneasily.

It had taken her another ten or so minutes to finally gather enough courage to gingerly slide herself to the ground beside Sesshomaru, inching her way to the other side of the tree trunk from where he was sitting, before leaning back against it.

At first, she'd remained stiff and on edge, waiting for Sesshomaru to speak, to ask questions.

But soon, it became clear that he wasn't going to, and eventually Yuki relaxed once more.

Now, staring up at the sky in a comfortable silence, Yuki observed the stars and the moon. The crescent moon was bright as it shone down on them, and Yuki reached up a hand, as though trying to touch it, though instead she cupped her hand around to complete the circle. Like that, it looked almost like the symbol of Yin and Yang, and Yuki smiled a little ruefully.

It reminded her of Kikyo's words to Suikotsu, the last time Yuki had seen either the undead priestess or the undead doctor.

"Good and evil exist in all men who walk the Earth."

Did that mean Yuki's mother had had some good in her? It had been a question that plagued Yuki's childhood before she'd stopped thinking about it, not wanting to think about her mother. Not wanting to remember as guilt festered like a poisoned wound in her heart.

Now, though, now that Sesshomaru had helped her dress her wound properly, to let it heal... Now, Yuki wondered if there had been good in her mother.

Despite all her declarations otherwise, she'd still given birth to Yuki.

Despite her harsh words, she'd never actually struck Yuki, even if the odd broken pottery shard cut Yuki accidentally when the sake bottle went smashing into the walls and floor – though Yuki wondered if it was because her mother could never bring herself to actually hit her child or if it was because she didn't want to physically touch the filthy half-breed she always claimed Yuki was.

And despite everything her mother had done to prove otherwise, Yuki was certain that her mother had never really stopped loving the demon who had been her father.

'I'll never know though, will I?' Yuki reminded herself as she leaned back with a sigh. 'Just as I'll never know why father never came back to mother. I'll never know what was going through their heads – only guess.'

Yuki mulled that thought in her mind, and continued to think on the subject for the rest of the night while Sesshomaru simply sat there, offering her silent companionship and allowing her the privacy of her own thoughts.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yuki!"