saudade - (n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved than lost; "the love that remains"
Remus Lupin has a twin sister who's desperately in love with James Potter.
What could go wrong?
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"Well, "Toujours Pur" right?"
They arrived at Hogwarts and were now in the great hall for the sorting and feast. Diana was sitting at the Ravenclaw table surrounded by people, but she'd noticed over the years that times like these were the ones that felt the most lonely. Her dorm mates were huddled against one another, whispering and she figured they were saying something about her because every so often she would see them send glances her way, they'd been like this since first year, but Diana never really knew if her paranoid assumptions were true or not.
She looked over to the Gryffindor table to see Remus and his friends talking in hushed voices and she just wondered what had happened after she left their compartment on the train earlier that day. She wondered if anyone had said anything to that prick Sirius Black or if they just let it slide.
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Back on the train
Diana had just stormed out of the compartment, leaving three out of four of the marauders stunned. Remus had been the first to break out of his surprised state, but had to take a second to register what had just happened.
"Sirius! What the actual hell was that?" he exclaimed, catching Sirius off guard because Remus was never angry at him like this, well only if you exclude around full moons, Remus was always kind and calm with Sirius.
"She was getting on my nerves." he shrugged.
"So just because MY SISTER was "getting on your nerves", you decided to insult her in almost any way possible?" he asked angrily, there was no hint of Remus' usual calm and rational side in sight.
"Yeah, well maybe she should stop being a bit-" Sirius started, but was cut off by James' hand slapping itself on Sirius' mouth.
"I'm going to advise that you stop now before Moony murders you in cold blood." James said, nodding his head towards Remus who's eyes were filled with fury and if you looked any deeper, betrayal.
"What's gotten into you Sirius? You've been weird all summer." asks Peter, who had been trying to find the right thing to say in order to not make matters worse. Sirius started to say something, but his words were mumbled by the fact that James had neglected to take his hand off of his friend's mouth.
"Oh, sorry." he said, removing his hand from Sirius' mouth and Sirius let out a sigh, the boys couldn't tell if it was from relief that James had removed his hand or exhaustion from some outside factor that they didn't know about.
"I guess I'm just stressed about seeing Reggie again after running away." he lied, though there was some truth to his statement, it was just that it was too complicated to explain even if he wanted to, which he definitely did not because Sirius was always very selective about what he tells the boys and what he doesn't. Sirius had just been raised to appear as though he had it all together, he just couldn't will himself to break away from this and he knew it wasn't healthy, but "Well, 'Toujours Pur' right?" was the thought that always crossed his mind when having an internal debate with himself. He regretted not forcing Regulus to come with him that night he finally ran from his personal hell, he can't believe he'd ever called that place home because it wasn't, it was just a house that he had been unlucky enough to live in for most of his life. This summer at the Potter's had been a wake-up call to him that this is what home should be, it should be loving and caring not painful and cold. He stayed awake most nights to think about Regulus and his regrets about not dragging the younger boy out of his bed and dragging him to James' house, he regretted ignoring him at school and not being close with just because of something as unimportant as a house, and worst of all he hated that Diana Lupin had done just that, she'd been a friend to Regulus despite her being a Ravenclaw and he hated her for it, he hated that she was what he wished he was.
Sirius and Diana had never been friends, they had limited interactions and the ones they did have were always in a group setting. He didn't know what she was like except for the things Remus had said or the tiny things he'd observed when she was around. Remus had always been nice to Regulus and hasn't said mean things about him, but Sirius had never gone out of his way to be nice to the Ravenclaw girl because frankly he didn't like the way that she could just show up in a room and Remus' attention was on her or the way that James had a nickname for her like she was a marauder when she most definitely was not.
"I get that you're stressed, but that doesn't mean that you should take it out on Diana like that." Remus sighed, he knew it was irrational to get mad at Sirius because he always lashed out when he was stressed, but he couldn't help it considering whenever Diana was hurt he was hurt.
"I know and I'm sorry Moony, I really am." he said, looking Remus directly in the eyes to let him know he was genuine, but to Remus it just made his heart flutter and make him fight the blush that so desperately wanted to make its way onto his cheeks.
"It's alright Sirius." Remus replied.
"Maybe you should apologize to Diana, she seemed pretty upset, Pads." Peter suggested, feeling deep pity for the girl.
"Yeah, yeah you're right, once we get back to Hogwarts I'll talk to her." he said, lying again because Sirius knew that if he talked to Diana alone he'd probably have word vomit and confess every feeling of jealousy he has towards the girl.
"Uh, I'll be back." James said quickly, getting out of the compartment hoping to find Diana because he could tell from Sirius' demeanor that he most likely wasn't going to apologize to the girl and he didn't want her to be hurt by his words. He knew his best friend and he knew that Sirius never really thought about what he says before he says it, usually leaving someone's feelings hurt or sometimes hurting his own feelings in the process. He knows that Sirius has built these walls around himself just like Remus had and he knew they were too stubborn to take them down for people that they can't 100% trust, Remus had Diana, but Sirius didn't have anyone he trusted completely except himself and sometimes James has doubts about that too.
He was walking down the train when he made his way to the compartment that Diana and her friends were usually situated in, but when he got closer he realized that Diana wasn't there with the boy, so he just assumed that she'd maybe gone to the bathroom. He waited until he heard the lock click, which made him perk up and then Diana walked out, the first thing he saw was that her eyes were slightly puffy and her face slightly red as if she'd been crying.
"Hey, are you alright?" he asked, hoping that Sirius didn't make her cry.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be Potter?" she shrugged, but James could see that something was off, she had the same tells as Remus because she avoided eye contact and always shrugging off her problems like they were nothing. He placed his hands on her shoulders to get her attention.
"Well, I thought maybe you were hurt by what Sirius said. Just ignore him, he's been moody all week and he won't tell me why, but I think it has to do with Regulus, you know Regulus right? Of course you do, Remus says you're friends with him. I just think he's worried because he ran away this summer and he's been living with me, so it's been quite a bit of fun and-" James had started to ramble but stopped himself when he saw Diana spacing out.
"Um, are you sure you're ok? Diana?" he asked, his voice filled with concern because James Potter was not one who liked being out of the loop, he liked knowing he was someone people could trust and open up to.
"Yeah, I ignore most of what Sirius says anyways." she said as she plastered on a fake smile.
"Touché, touché" he chuckled. "Well, I'll see you at the feast." he dropped his hands from her shoulders and went into the bathroom even though he had no intention of doing so in the first place, he just didn't want Diana to think he was a creep or anything like that. James decided to use this time to think of other ways he could possibly impress Lily Evans this year and hopefully finally get her to go out with him, he'd been in love with her since first year but didn't want to constantly ask her out or seem like he was harassing her in any way, so he decided to try and get her to come around on her own. He'd asked her out a handful of times throughout the five years they'd been in school together and she'd never hesitated in saying no, but that just fueled his fire because to him that was just her way of hiding her true feelings for the boy. This year felt different for some reason that James couldn't explain, he couldn't tell if maybe this was the universe's way of telling him that Lily Evans was finally going to agree to a date or maybe something else would happen, more specifically
someone else.
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