saudade - (n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved than lost; "the love that remains"
Remus Lupin has a twin sister who's desperately in love with James Potter.
What could go wrong?
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"Do I care too much?"
cw: talk of sexuality and homophobia
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James felt the air breeze past him as Diana shoved him and walked away, walking out of his life, he couldn't lose her he just couldn't. All he wanted to do was run after her and tell her how important she was to him, that she's the light in every room he walks in, that she's the moon to his sun, yet he can't seem to move at all. He feels like he's stuck, stuck in a place of misery and he thought that maybe he deserved it. Maybe the James Potter deserved a little hardship and loss.
He hadn't lost much in his life, but Merlin, did he love. James Potter loved with his whole heart no matter who the person was, so when he lost it felt like he lost a piece of his heart. He felt as though his tears were the blood from his bleeding heart. He felt his knees buckle beneath him and hit the ground, but it felt like the world around him disappeared. James just wished he could go back to before he screwed everything up, before he got so caught up in childish giddiness that came along with Lily Evans' attention and forgot about the girl he had realised was right there the whole time.
He didn't know how long he'd sat on the floor when Sirius came through the door and hurried to his side. "Prongs, mate what happened?" he asked, his eyes full of worry, James' gaze shifted towards him and it was like the world had reappeared.
"Pads, I fucked up. I wanted her so bad Sirius, but I've wrecked it."
"Who? With Lily? She was looking for you all night, so I don't think anythings fucked up, to be honest." Sirius tried to reassure him and even though there was a small voice in the back of his head wanting to ask about Lily he pushed it down.
"No, no, not Lily." he shook his head with a sigh.
"How could it not be Evans? You know who I'm talking about right, the Lily who you've been in love with for six years, the one who you said you'd marry one day after a singular interaction, that Lily?" Sirius asked with his eyebrows raised before he gasped dramatically. "Oh shit, it's the girl you shagged on Halloween isn't it?"
James' eyes widened, he'd forgotten about the little whit lie he told Sirius after his conversation in the Astronomy Tower with Diana. "Uh- Well, we didn't actually do anything-"
"That doesn't matter right now," he waved off James' weak protests. "Is it her?"
"I- yeah, it's her." he exhaled, wiping a hand over his face.
"Well, who is she?"
"It doesn't matter, not anymore." he shook his head again, Sirius went to say something else but a sad grimace from James made him stop.
