+Sambucky+ //re-editing Soon//

S.I.H.B.Y.S

(The title was to long.)

Sometimes it's hard by yourself.
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3rd pov
And Bucky's pov
Mentioning of self-harm,
Self-criticism, suicidal thoughts, and Suicidal attempt.

《
Please reach out for help if you are attempted to Take your own life.
》

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Bucky screamed, nobody was in the compound, just him. He screamed and screamed. His head over loaded with memories of his missions.

He screamed until his throat hurt, until it stung. His lungs were cramping. He huffed in and out fast, hot tears streaming down his face. His long hair covered them.

He punched the wall repeatedly, screaming again.
This was worst then hydra's torture. This was worst.

This was the end of himself.
He punched the brick wall his his normal hand now, the sharp pain of his fist against the wall was numb to him. Nothing could compare to what he felt inside.

His knuckles started to bleed. His eyes widened, his tear blurred his vision but he could see the blood driving from the wall.
He ran his hand down the blood, his body following his movements. He curled onto the floor and sobbed more, everything hurt. Everybody was gone. Nobody was there to comfort him.
He closed his eyes his breathing hitching every now and then, his throat ached. He felt nothing running on his face, there was no more tears to cry.

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He walked out of the dark room, his knuckles dried with blood.
His eye were deep and puffy.

Is this how he felt now.

Blankness.
Numbness.
Nothing?

Was that the right word.

He practically dragged himself to the kitchen, he was only hungry enough for something small, an apple would make due.

He grabbed the apple, walking back to his room. Turning the corner he thought he saw Sam, but his hopes died when he looked back and saw nobody.

"He could help..." bucky's voice barley above a whisper. It was raspy and it felt like inhaling bleach with every word.

He turned into his room, looking in the mirror, his eyes were dark. His lips chapped.

He set the apple down and walked over to the mirror, slipping off his shirt, he looked at his arm.

"I'm a monster again,  so why carry-on pretending like I wouldn't do this at hydra."

He grabbed his shoulder, he ripped at his skin, his nails dug deep into his flesh, the scar tissue was thick enough to repel the nails. He winced removing his hand from his shoulder. He tried a different way. Bucky grabbed a screw from his dresser, he dug it deep into his flesh. A dark crimson colr oozed around the screw. Bucky moved the screw ripping his skin some more. He let out a yell in pain.

Nobody, just silence. Nobody came to a monsters aid.

He pushed is deeper into his flesh, narrowing his eyebrows and bitting his lips to prevent himself from screaming again.

He let his jaw swing open as he yelled.

" Just Let Me Move On!"

"Please." He muttered.

He looked at his bleeding shoulder.

The door swung open,

Sam.

Sam stood unfront of the door, he crossed the room toward Bucky, he took the screw from him placing it aside. Bucky leaned into Sam, he let out a sob. It was a build up of depression, anger and anxiety hydra had put into him.

Sam rubbed his back gently.

"Shh shh shh."

"We'll talk when your ready."

---

Bucky faced the floor embarrassed. He held his shoulder, which was now wrapped.

"Mind telling me why?"

"I think I hit a point in my life where, I'm just done."

"I cried,
I Fought,
I tried."

"But everything come crashing back down on me. My demon comes back and feast on my fear, I don't want to be that person anymore, I just."

"I just want to be me."

Bucky spoke his voice still scratched up.

Sam nodded.

"I learn to never underestimate how much pain somebody has to be in to put a razor to their wrist, a finger to their throat,
A gun to their head,
A pen to a note." Sam spoke softly.

"I've been there before trust me. I may not understand your pain. But I understand why people do those things."

"When I lost Riley's Dumbass, I lost a part of me That I wont ever get back. I put that note on a table, I put a gun to my head. I Started to count down from 10 to 1 to die."

"I may Not understand your feelings but I can damn understand why."

Bucky stood up and hugged Sam, he rested his head on sam shoulder.

"When I was a kid
I didn't understand why people would beg to leave this place."

"Its not the world's fault, and its not yours either. But its the bad folk who destroyed it. Now you can take the peice of the world you have and make it beautiful, or you can burn it."  Sam said lightly. He hugged bucky back.

"I dont need you too love yourself, but I do need you to understand and respect your self."

"Because you still are James Barnes. You are still caps best friend. You are who you make yourself. And people love that Bucky."

"People don't love me." He mumbled.

"Well people don't need too. But I do."

"Bucky, just be you. The winter soldier is your past, so live in the future."

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And scene this
Dedicated to one of my readers whom asked for a chpt like this.

I hope you enjoyed it.

(Story dedication to: marvel123123)