𝑻𝑾𝑬𝑵𝑻𝒀 𝑺𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑵

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[TW, mentions of rape.]

"I was only sixteen

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"I was only sixteen.."

Draco didn't even know where to start.

He didn't know how to start to open up to somebody. He didn't know how someone just told what they had been through, without feeling a pang to his heart. But it was eating him up alive- she was right. She opened up to him, she told him what she'd been through and he was able to help her.

He was hoping she could help him.

So she layed in his arms, curled up into his chest while she waited for him to talk. He was glad she wasn't probing him with questions- but that's not how Lucille is.

"I had a girlfriend, back in hogwarts." He told her, a lump forming in his throat as tears were threatening to fall out of his eyes.

How does he tell her this?

He couldn't even recover from what she had did- and when he finally did recover it was awful. It was a terrible sight to see, something he never wanted to go through again and he wouldn't now that he has Lucille.

"Her name was Astoria." He aimed his eyes on the ground while his grip tightened on her. "We had a potions exam- I skipped.. so did she."

He felt like his word were caving in on him, like he couldn't even breathe. He hadn't ever told anybody what he was about to tell her. He had never ever spoke about it to anyone, even when he needed comfort in somebody.

"I was only sixteen.."

It was only then that she lifted her head off his chest, hearing how his voice cracked and how it made her heart question about what she did to him. He didn't look into her eyes, only tilted his head up and kept his eyes on the ceiling trying to distract himself from the sick feeling.

"I wasn't ready for it- I wasn't ready to be touched." His eyes watered without being able to stop them. "My mum told me to make sure I'm ready- I wasn't Lucille. I wasn't-." He choked up in his own sob, and Lucilles face horrified.

Her hands displayed on his chest, shifting in his lap and he still didn't look at her. It felt like he was trying his hardest not to claw at his throat- like he was trying his hardest not to rip his heart out and stuff it away. Try to bottle up his emotions so nobody could see them- to try an act like what she did to him didn't effect him.

"She made me- she made me touch her body and I didn't want to-." He released another sob, his heart feeling up with pure despair. "I didn't want to have sex with her- she told me I'd- I'd like it but- but she hexed me I- I couldn't move-."

He full on sobbed into the crook of her neck.

And she held him- she held him as tight as she could because she knew how it felt. She knew exactly how it felt to be violated. It pained her heart terribly, to see him in a state like this. To hear him say that his body had been treated like hers had; like they didn't matter.

"And I coped in a horrible way Luc- Lucille." His head flinched as he cried into her, her hand giving him a stroke on a back. "I slept around- became the biggest manwhore in school and Astoria didn't even apologize- I wanted her off of me-."

"Draco," she softly called his name, making him lift his head and finally stare into her eyes. And it broke her to see him like that- to have his face tears stained and his blue an extra greyish shade due to crying so hard. "If there's anything you've taught me, is it's not our fault. The way you chose to cope- it was just your body removing her touch."

He just continued to break in front of her.

He couldn't grasp onto it. Because everything he had just told her came flooding back to him like a bad dream- a horrible nightmare. Astoria had forced him to lose his innocence, and he didn't come out of his dorm for five weeks.

Five weeks he was in his dorm.

He would hardly eat- would nearly starve himself until his ribs were showing. He couldn't figure out how to get her touch off of him, he'd tried everything. He'd scrubbed himself in the shower, he'd hugged his body and cradled himself to sleep while tears flowed onto his pillow. He was only sixteen.

But the way he chose to cope afterwards made him want to regret living at all. He slept with girl after girl- not even knowing his name and eventually it worked. He stopped letting Astoria get to him, he stopped thinking about the girls hands on him with they were intimate. It took him months to let the let them girl even touch an inch of him while they intimate. He'd pin there wrists down and not let them- he wouldn't even let them wrap there legs around him.

It triggered his mind.

Which is exactly why he was so angry at his father for trying to bring Astoria in his life. Because he was forced to shut down- he was forced to shove the awful feeling whenever he saw her back down into the pit of his stomach. He was forced to hide his feelings, never showing how what she did to him affected him.

But it did- badly.

"Draco, look at me." She cupped his face, looking into his eyes while tears pooled in hers. "It wasn't your fault- It will never be your fault. You didn't deserve that, but I'm here- I'm here for you."

"My father- he wanted me to start talking to Astoria again-." He took a deep breath, trying to stop himself from crying. "I was mad- I was so mad that I didn't think about who I was taking it out on and I'm so sorry Lucille. I didn't mean to yell at you-."

She wiped his tear with the pad of her thumb, "I forgive you. But Draco please- please tell me you know it's not your fault." Her eyes softened as she looked into his. "Did you use to play quidditch?"

He knew she was trying to comfort him- it was what he needed. So he nodded head and sniffled, while she started to shift off of his waist and lay down on her bed. He was growing confused until he saw her widen her legs and pat her stomach giving him the chance to be babied.

"Tell me about it," she ruffled her hands in his soft strands of hair, playing with it. She continued to stroke his hair and along with his neck while he laid his head on her chest. "I'm listening to you."

His heart completely fluttered at her words, and he slid his hands under her waist, burying his tear stained face into her chest more while inhaling her scent.

"I'll always listen you- because I love you."

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