𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟-𝑐𝑟𝑜𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 | a.s x fem!reader

33 - He and I

{Y/N'S POV}

"I don't know... just a sister's intuition," Devica teased me, giving my shoulder a playful push.

Was she right though; am I in love with Anakin? I meant every single thing I mentioned to Devica; about how much he meant to me, about how much I adored his company, about how he made me feel when I was around him... how I felt when he kissed me. Of course I didn't tell that part to Devica; she is my older sister after all.

"Have you ever been in love, Devica?" I ask her, trying to continue our little heart-to-heart. I've always wanted an older sister, not that I didn't love Ayzel of course; It's just that he was never someone I could ask for advice like this from... I mean it's also not as if I can get any more advice from him now either.

Devica smiled at me as I watched her slip into thought whilst still maintaining eye contact with me, "I have. It was unrequited though; he loved someone else. But I do know how it felt to be in love with someone, though a lot of people experience it in a lot of different ways."

"I really don't mean to pry into your private life - especially seeing as we've just met - but were you in love with Xavian by any chance?"

My sister lets out a low, half laugh and nods slowly in agreement, "I was, when I was maybe your age. But it was never going to happen between us... not with him being gay and all."

I'll admit, I wasn't expecting that.

"I know that you're afraid of telling him, (y/n). But for what it's worth; I think he has it bad for you too. I could tell from how protective he was over you, how his eyes lingered on you until the very second you were out of sight... even when your touch left his, he seemed disappointed and even a little lost. I may have not have succeeded in love, but I have zero doubt that that Jedi is absolutely and utterly enamoured with you (y/n)," Devica placed her hand gently on the side of my cheek, her thumb caressing my skin gently.

I smiled from her touch as my mind raced crazily in my head, my thoughts centred on Anakin and only Anakin. It had been at least nearly two weeks or so since he first told me he loved me at my Coronation Ball. And then again a mere few hours ago in those precious moments of pure bliss we shared in that Transmission room back on Coruscant. Guilt spread through my body upon the realisation that not only had Anakin told me that he was in love with me countless times, I had never said it back to him once. I never told him how much he meant to me or how much he drove me absolutely crazy... in both a good way and in an annoying way. He doesn't know how much I desperately want to run into his open arms and never let go, disappearing from the judging and disapproving eyes of those who surrounded us.

I needed him.

But you can't have him; he's a Jedi. Attachments are forbidden.

"But... I can't have him, Devica. He's a Jedi and attachments are forbidden in their Code," I repeat out loud to my sister, almost subconsciously replicating the same deep and ominous tone of the voice echoing in my mind. "Even if I do love him, he's not mine to have. He's devoted his life to the Jedi Order and me to ruling over Solaris. Anakin deserves so much better than what I could ever give him."

Devica suddenly snatched her hand away from my cheek and shook her head in disbelief for a moment before staring me directly in the eyes, her facial expression shifting to a more serious one as she looked onto my face, "You listen to me now, (y/n). I never got the chance to act on my feelings. But you? (y/n) if you walk away from him without Anakin ever knowing how strongly you cared for him, then it will never be the same again. And if that does happen I can guarantee that you will regret it for the rest of your life. Please, please do not give up on your chance; screw their stupid Code! (y/n), you and I wouldn't even exist if our father didn't break the code for Mother-"