[Quiet in the Chaos]

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Sorry for the really long chapter, I'll try and keep them shorter than this, happy reading x

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HER TOES feel odd against the grass. She never quite understood people in movies, where they would wiggle their toes, allowing the strands of grass to slip between each one. She always felt nauseous when the soles of her feet rubbed against carpet, or tarmac, or, as of now, grass.

The sun had barely peeked over the horizon, its morning glow slipping onto the surface of the sea. She stares at it for a moment, allowing her mind to go blank, her rigid muscles to relax. Her arms fall limp at her sides, the breeze making her fingers tip off of her thigh. She runs her tongue over her dry lips, cracked from years left untreated.

Her eyelashes flutter as she blinks, bringing her gaze back down to the water moving rhythmically below her. She clenches her jaw, goosebumps prickling over her bare skin. Releasing a brief and almost inaudible sigh, she steps forward, the edge of the cliff a foot away.

Momentarily, she allows herself a moment to silently scold herself for choosing a bikini over a full swimsuit. Her swimsuit had still been wet from the morning before. She knew it was far too early for anyone else to be on the beach and no one came up here, as far as she knows. Her brows crease slightly as her deep brown eyes flit over her abused body before she quickly pulls them away.

Her shoulders rise and fall as she heaves a deep breath. She raises her chin, bounding onto her left foot before propelling herself into the air. Her eyes shut as the morning air whooshes past her, causing her ears to pop. Fluidly, her arms move to cross over her chest, her knees locking her legs straight, preparing for impact. She relishes the adrenaline that pumps through her veins. She savours the brief moment of quiet her mind gifts her with.

Then the water hits her. Her straight legs are forced to bend upon impact. Her body freezes a fleeting moment of numbness washes over her and it's almost like she has finally found peace.

The cold engulfs her, causing her heart to beat rapidly, her instincts finally kicking in. Quickly, she swoops her arms out either side of her and kicks powerfully with her legs, pushing herself upwards. It takes another few strokes until her face submerges out of the water, her eyes snapping open, almost grimacing as she is greeted with the cool of the breeze.

She gasps in a breath, tilting her head backwards. The corners of her mouth tilt upwards, the buzzing through her veins satisfying her addiction. For a moment, it's as if she's really alive.

Not surviving.

She treads water for another few thumps of her heart until her adrenaline is replaced by her chattering teeth. She moves forward, slowly making her way to the shore, the familiar emptiness returning to the pit of her stomach and just like that, that feeling she craves, is gone.