[Quiet in the Chaos]

~36~

Ok, so lots to fit in here, i'll be moving quickly from now on to get back to Bucky and Danielle, so there'll be a bit of a time jump. I just wanted to introduce some of the family :)

                                        ~36~

"I've been walkin' through a world gone blind,
Can't stop thinkin' of your diamond mind,
Careful creature made friends with time,
He left her lonely with a diamond mind,
And those ocean eyes."

<'Ocean Eyes'> Billie Eilish

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"EVERYTHING OK?"

She swallows, snapping out of her daze, quickly folding up the piece of paper on her lap. The material is crumpled from being handled so much. She glances up to her younger brother, standing with his hands in his pockets, over her on the porch. She glances away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah," she sighs, placing the paper beside her on the decking, she shuffled over to allow him space to sit.

He presses his lips in a line, his breath escaping him as he sits beside her. For a moment, they sit in silence, staring out into the garden. Caterina's eldest, Faye and her youngest, Matthew, laughed hysterically, involved in an intense game of soccer with their father and her other brother's son, Ollie.

"You know, I always imagined having a family. Kids, a husband, a home," she explains slowly, her lips tugging into a sad smile. She drops her head briefly. "I don't know, maybe it was the idealistic portrayal of a family that mom and dad always showed us. And even that was a lie."

Another natural silence falls between them. Danielle came home to find her parents had filed for divorce, which when she thought about it, didn't come as a surprise.

Nathan folds his arms loosely over his chest. "You don't want that anymore?"

She tilts her head. She looks over to her brother, a sad twinkle in her eye. "You know I can't have that, now."

He sighs, running his hand through his hair. "Dani," he says seriously. She glances across to meet his eyes. "How bad are you?"

Taken aback by his bluntness, she pauses. "What do you mean?"

"You look exhausted. Cat told me about the nightmares, the jumpiness, the not eating," he responds solemnly.

Her jaw clenches. It was a rare thing to see Nathan taking anything seriously. She hates the worry plastered on her face. She obviously takes too long to respond because he continues. "We looked for you. I tried to contact you. I went up to the cabin after mom had been there, but you were gone. We missed you. And we want to help you."

She chews at her lip. "It's not that simple, Nate. You wouldn't understand."

"Then help me to."

"No," she replies quickly. His brows pull together. She runs her palms over her face. "The things that happened, that I did, that they did to me, you don't need that on your shoulders and I won't put it there. I appreciate you trying to help, but it's something that I can't do."

He grinds his jaw absently, nodding. She breathes a quiet thank you. Nathan is her only sibling who knows when not to push her. "What about that guy you were with? James Buchanan or something, Barnes? The guy you 'bombed Vienna with'."

She shoots him a pointed look. He holds his hands up. "Too soon, right, got it."

She shakes her head, swallowing back the lump in her throat. She still can't find the words to talk about him and after a few moments silence, he understands that. "You love him?" he finishes quietly. She dips her chin, pursing her lips. "That's from him?"