[Quiet in the Chaos]

~50~

shorter filler chapter...  THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR READING, VOTING AND COMMENTING <3

                                      ~50~

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SHE JERKS awake, her chest rising and falling heavily, scrambling beneath the tangle of blankets.

"Hey! Hey Dani, you're alright, you're safe, we're both safe," Bucky catches her arm firmly before she throws a fist at him. He studies her, a moment before her expression visibly eases, he offers her a strained smile.

She runs her hand through her knotted hair, steadying her breathing, she glances around the room, her brows pulling together. "Spare room - Sharon brought us here last night, remember?" he clarifies gingerly.

She nods slowly, blowing out a heavy breath, she swallows, her mouth dry. She glances down, unfamiliar clothes on her body.

"Sharon's spare," he answers.

She nods again, pulling herself into a sitting position, she peels her eyes back to her fiancé's. He blinks, sitting on top of the blankets, brushing a stray strand behind her ear. His eyes are puffy, reddened from crying, his voice slightly hoarse. The weight of last night's events settle back on her shoulders again.

"I slept all night?" she asks, avoiding the elephant in the room.

He nods. "Pretty much. You fell asleep in the bathroom," he clears his throat, his eyes falling away from hers. "I brought you in here afterwards."

"Where are the others?"

"They went to some party last night trying to find a lead, they were just getting a little sleep, they're heading after him this morning."

She presses her lips in a line, a familiar hollow feeling returning to her stomach - an emptiness. She raises a hand to his stubbles cheek, brushing the pad of her thumb over his skin. "Did you get any sleep?" she murmurs.

The corner of his lip twitches upwards, a failing attempt to reassure her. "A little," he lies.

She wants to ask him if he's alright, but it's a stupid question. He lowers himself down to her level, her small hand reaching to run through his short hair. She searches for any reassurances for him - anything to break this silence.

"I know," he whispers suddenly, searching her foreign expression. Her throat bobs and she nods. He clasps her hand in one of his and gives it a squeeze.

She smiles slightly. "How do you always know what I'm thinking?" she wonders tiredly.

He blows an amused breath. "Well," he smirks slightly, "Y'know I used to be considered somewhat of a ladies man-"

"Yes so you've mentioned," she laughs lowly. Another moment passes and she presses a hand to his chest. "We can't hide here forever, we will probably have to leave soon."

He looks up at her. "Dani, we're not going," he says slowly.

She raises her eyebrows. "What?"

He shakes his head incredulously, "After last night-"

"No," she interrupts suddenly, her expression becoming determined. "No. We are."

"Doll-"

"Bucky," she says suddenly, more emotion seeping into her voice. "They took everything from me, but I won't let them control my life - not anymore. I can't not help people because I got some news. Sitting around thinking about it isn't going to help. I won't let them decide what I'm going to do and if we don't go today, we're letting them do that."

He blinks, his hard expression easing slightly. He runs his tongue over his lips. He straightens a little and she studies him. "I get that, Dani, I really do. But just hear me out, OK?"

Her throat bobs and she inclines her head. He presses his lips together appreciatively. He grasps her hand and gives it a squeeze. He traces his thumb over her skin and watches it absently. "When I first met you," he begins quietly, "I was just out of HYDRA, I barley knew my own name, I only knew my guilt. And I never wanted to talk about anything - relive anything - I never thought I could. And yet, seeing you sharing everything with me..."

He looks down to her finally. He smiles fractionally. "You made me believe that I was worth more, that I could do more with my life than just relive my past. I saw how strong you were. And talking about things with you - and Dr. Raynor - it helped. As much as I wanted to believe it wouldn't. Pushing things away, your feelings, that you need to deal with? It doesn't work and you know it. And I love you too much to watch it tear you apart. So even if you hate me for it, you're not going today."

She purses her lips, glancing away from him as a tear rolls down her cheek. He swipes it away with the pad of his thumb. She takes a breath, raising her eyebrows. "What about you? You lost the same thing I did?"

He waits a few moments in silence. "I'm staying where I belong. With you."

Her eyes snap up to meet his and she chews at her lip, nodding. He doesn't say anything else, the silence beginning to gnaw at her composure, leaving her thoughts to drown her, her eyes glazing over. She waits for him to talk - to distract her - but he doesn't. He watches her and waits patiently, waits for her to feel all the emotion that's he needs to.

She attempts to pull her lips upwards into a trembling smile and fails. She shakes her head, pressing her forehead to his chest, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. "I hate this," she whispers. "I don't want to be upset."

"I know," he murmurs into her hair. "But you won't be forever."

Ordinarily, she might have been mad that someone thought they could make a decision for her, tell her what to do. But she isn't. She's beyond grateful that the decision was taken out of her hands, that someone - he - is taking care of her, loving her. And yet she doesn't feel smothered.

And yet she can't feel the gratefulness for that yet. All she feels is an overwhelming sadness, a sinking and drowning like feeling that threatens to consume her. The fact that even though she has been gone from there for so long, they've still managed to hurt her.

She has spent so long trying to convince herself she's still human, that she was a victim of some sort. But this- it just proves her instinct.

Proves that she's a monster.

At least in her eyes.