You promised

chapter 3

With each step i took the heels echoed in the quite night, i wrapped my hands around my arm as the coldness seeped in , i was walking alone in the cold night just to avoid going home early,  it didn't help that i was wearing a dress, scared , that wasn't something i felt though , I've seen a lot with these bare eyes that nothing suprised me , the world was a bigger place yet it felt too small for me ,i remember 4 years ago at the age of 18 stepping in exactly these ground carrying my black suitcase with my mothers Tupperware on the other hand, excitement, fear had crept in as i asked the taxi's around going Pretoria and some guy had pointed where i would find them ,he was carrying a black lunchbox bag in his left arm , his exact words were. 'This is Johannesburg baby girl you don't go around asking anyone direction instead look for nearest shops and ask security guards or a taxi driver' he has said as we got into the same taxi, the conversation flowed between the both of us he had even asked me where am from and why i was in Johannesburg all alone at this young age , i had told him everything and my reasoning before his last words before getting out were.

'My brother this lady doesn't know where to get off can you do me a favour and drop her off " he had said "with all the women missing we better take part in protecting them" he had said before shouting 'short left' he got out while i remain in the taxi ,the driver had told me where to get off and i did exactly that, when i got off the long line in Tswane University of Technology was what welcomed me yet i was patient, i was excited because i was to study my diploma in journalism there i had a plan here and that meant nothing will get me to stop that but who was i kidding, i had been locked up in a shell my whole life in the name of protection, my parents were strict so i didn't have the life of a teenager , my teenage years were spent with me and my parents, the only best friend i had ever had was my brother who was 2 years younger than me ,ofcause they weren't treated like me since they were boys. The first year i had spent i was determined, i had a roommate who was exactly what i was so it wasn't hard, i worked hard and boom 10 modules in the bag as i went home for recess in December holidays ,my father was proud, my mother too, i was a good example and my brother was finishing  his matric year, i had to help him apply at varsities and UKZN had accepted him when i left he had good results the following year i went back to school and everything was perfect but i wasn't so lucky with roommate this time, i had a different ratchet roommate, through her i had met my beautiful , kind friend Inyoni, i should have never let her convince me about letting my guard down but i did in the name of 'living my best youth life' i lost direction of life. I search my purse for anything that can take my mind away from these thoughts that had crept in and engulf me, my hands return carrying a cigarette, i look for the lighter before pushing the nicotine between my lips and light it up puffing out the smoke. Towards this day i still question whether my family thinks about me or not, whether they worry or not, its been 3 years since we lost contact with them,since i cut them off after my shame , i didn't have the stregth to go back home and face the village, i was even lucky that i wasn't pregnant even now, I've always feared the unknown towards sex probably the reason why even in my retched days i never found myself going to that part of life ,even after the pressure i was getting, 19 yet still a virgin , i still have that fear , hearing the amount Sex workers, yes we have to respect them , hearing their monthly no actually daily income i was tempted ,temptation was too hard to fight from joining them but the fear of actual penetration was what stopped me , yes i did have a boyfriend before, Thabo or Thabiso i don't remember his name because he had once broken my heart and cheated to me with a friend of mine , then the was Thapelo we actually explored much with him towards sex, who said sex has to be the actual penetration, we did had oral but a time came for penetration and i backed off, i was too afraid that i didn't after that he ghosted on me, jokes on him right, i don't know why but jokes on him, then the was Khaya who cheated, that's not the worst part i was the side chick, lastly was Neo the worst i was actually a bet , oh i remember Neo came after Thabo/Thabiso, yes in a period of 2 years , i was never really lucky in love department. I needed something, something big that can make me money and i could go back to school and continue where i left off so i can finally go home. It was working, as i inhale and puff my nerves were calming down, the fast heartbeat of my heart was slowing. In my trance i hadn't realise how now i was already in hillbrow flats, a taxi stopped me midway of my walk, the were four guys, i dropped the nicotine and squashed it with the heels, i recognized him immediately this time he was wearing white golf t-shirt tucked into the Brentwood trouser he was wearing, a black cap on his head covering him but i could recognise him anywhere, i slowly crotch down unhooking the heels before taking them off and carrying them in hand ready to run if the need occurs, i was stuck in one spot as two more guys got out of the flats stairs carrying a mat, they were carrying a mat that was rolled into a circle ,the shoes that were visible gave me an idea what was , what was happening, i held my mouth trying to neutralise my shaking, i had never been a witness of murder before, i had never been in this situation before , what had i gotten myself into, the USB i had in my purse i was curious, i now had a little bit idea why it was important, it had his dirty laundry but why record his dirty laundry or perhaps someone was threatening him i don't know, i glance at the taxi yet again to catch the number plate but my eyes fell on words printed on the windows 'Maphumulo taxi association' it read it's not everyday a valuable information falls on your hands, and if i had gotten myself in situation then i might as well milk the advantage i was given.