You promised

chapter 21

She gave up just like that easily, it took me time to gather myself up ,I've seen the beautiful strong women in her, I've never imagined her doing this ,i never thought the was any battle she would lose, i should have went right to her when she called last night, a huge part of myself hates me, i hate myself that i didn't find time for myself to go and check up on her ,i knew she wasn't okay but i still let her be, i remember the very first time i met her like it was yesterday, it was in a club , my first time going to a club and her words were 'this doesn't suit your image you don't strike me as one of those women' she had said while i was gulping alcohol like no body's business, she had been there in my corner through tough times and through happy times, i remember how we would bond in this very couch, after the hospital i just came to this flat, i was lucky i still had my key ,i couldn't help myself as i grabbed the bottle of wine, we would sit on this couch all night catching up on series, more over i hated Sanele,i hated him for taking my friend away, Noni wasn't happy with her life but she came to terms with it, the sweet sweet wine filled my mouth as i gulp bits by bits, i was now halfway through the wine and i could feel the effect of alcohol on me, being back into this flat made things even worse ,it made accepting she was gone hard, the bedroom was exactly how she left it, the white envelop on the bed was what caught my eye, i grabbed it and my name was written in bold letters. I ripped the top part off before taking a huge gulp of alcohol and opened yet another one.

"To the love of my life " typical Noni she is random like that, a smile forms on my face when i think how she always would say that and people thought we were dating, it irked them seeing two women being affectionate and noni was random like that she loved being affectionate.

"I know you'll cry, you'll sink in and push everyone away like you always do when you in pain, baby girl you a queen i know just like any battle you will conquer it and you'll eventually move on because it's exactly what i had would have wanted you to do, the are many battles i had fought in life and came out still standing on my two feets but this wasn't one of them, i know right now you will be reading this letter crying yourself out with a bottle of wine blaming yourself but don't you dare ,don't you dare blame yourself because no matter what you would have done the was nothing that you or anyone could have helped me ,you know I've been through so much that i cannot even think of reason to live anymore, it's been weeks since i had suicidal thoughts but i knew you would tell me against it ,you'll convince me to continue with this torture i called life, remember when we used to talk about people who commit suicide and i had said it but I'll remind you, i told you sometimes in life we live we learn and we decide we need freedom from the world we live in, this is me, this is me giving up on life so i can be free, the is enough money for an intimate ceremony for me i had been saving up , now baby girl today cry yourself to sleep, beat yourself up but tomorrow i want you to wake up grab a glass of wine with a smile and drink to us, we have been through so much  in life yet we survived we made it even when we had each other, now i know that I'll be free I'll know you have someone supporting you, i love you Liyana, i love you with all my life you have always and still is the best sister i could have ever ask for but now it's time to let me go.

I dare you Liyana to sink into depressing and continue blaming yourself even when its not your fault i promise you I'll haunt you for the rest of your life. But seriously let me go and be in a better place now, be happy for once in life just remember me every once in a while, i still want to see you graduate, i still want to see you being the successful women you want to be but this time i won't physically be there but spiritually, as long as i still live in your heart then am not truly dead, now after the funeral put on that black sexy dress, put some lipstick on put on heels and give me that beautiful smile, I'll be the star that looks down on you reserving space for when you ready to join me I'll be there if you can maybe sneak some wine in I'll be too thirsty when you arrive. Remember i love YOU so much baby girl am sorry things had to resort to this but it's probably the best, everything is already paid all you need to call the following numbers to comfirm everything " the paper was stained with tears i finished before looking at the numbers she had scribbled down, it really was true my best friend and the only sister i had ever came across was gone, i was engulfed in my pain that i didn't even hear the door opening or my husband entering the bedroom until he came to view, he frown seeing the paper in hand and the alcohol on my hand ,he looked around.

"Liyana are you crazy it's 1 in the morning you drinking with the door wide opened, did this friend of yours put you up in this behaviour you not coming home" he was pissed i chuckled standing up on the bed , i gulped the wine he gave me a glare that was suppose to scare me.

"This is your fault, you took me away from my only sister , you took me and messed up my mind that i wasn't there for her anymore " i shouted he kept quite picking up the piece of paper his eyes roamed around the paper before he pushed it back on bed. "I shouldn't have left her side, i knew she wasn't okay and i still didn't do anything" i said walking off the bed making myself trip on the bed but he was quick to catch me before i broke a limb.

"I think we've had enough drinks for a day" he said taking the wine off my grasp, his arms wrapped around my body picking me up.
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I curled myself into a little ball as the splitting headache hit me hard, the hangover was killing me now making me swear to never drink again, but the pain was exactly what i deserve, how does one move on in life after everything that happened, life sometimes seemed unfair , you'll think you know a person but you don't ,you just know what they let you, the face they print out for you, i knew how she was but this has never crossed my mind, the thought she would do this has never crossed my mind i thought she was strong enough to overcome this but i was wrong, no one was strong enough for anything.

"Hey" the soft voice i didn't want to turn and look at him, i wiped my tears still remaining in the same position he sigh. "I brought you these" he said i turned looking at him taking the bottle of pills he had in hand and the water , they weren't pain meds but morning after , i even forgot that we hadn't used condom yesterday morning, i really had to get better birth control.

"How are you " he ask i kept my mouth shut i wasn't in any mood to speak to anyone at this moment all i felt like was just being alone in this dark room but that wasn't the case, my mother in law had decided on to visit in not good time, she missed her grandchildren according to her. "Please talk to me what can i do" he said desperate i hadn't opened my mouth since i woke up i hadn't even felt like eating anything.

"Bring her back can you do that" i said he looked at the floor before looking at me dropping his shoulders, i went back to my wallow self, i thought being away from my family for so long was bad but nothing like losing someone, from a young age as i grew I've always wanted a sister growing among boys made me feel left out and i had finally found one now she was gone.