You promised

chapter 27

"You have to abort"those are the only words ringing on my mind as i glanced at the test my mind not paying attention to what the results said but how he took the decision all on his own like always, he commanded not suggest, he told me not implied, yet again i thought about what he said on the phone , what was so secretive that i couldn't find out, he stormed out like a sulking baby , leaving my mind filled with thoughts i shook my head immediately getting rid of the thoughts as i looked at the results with my throat drier than the Kalahari desert , the denim on my throat refusing to move.

"Positive" was all the results said i had to go back on the box to remember what positive meant, my throat was filled with sand making it harder to swallow nor breath, 'positive' my mind internally repeated silently after reading the box, tears immediately flood my eyes blinding my eyesight, a sob left my mouth yet i muffled it with a hand on my mouth, 'positive' i kept thinking as i clunch my abdominal, a whole human was growing inside there, the smile vanished as a thought of her being reaped out of me make me shake , afraid for myself and that of my unborn, i walked to the phone he threw on the bed staring at the blank screen, i didn't know who to call, for the first time in my life i felt alone, i felt nowhere to turn to as i stare at the screen, i would call her, what would her reaction be happy, excited or sad ,would she scream on top of her lungs jumping on bed or would she be sitting down comforting me, i tried digging myself of emotions, was i happy, was i sad or was i disappointed, i didn't know, i didn't want a child now, i wasn't in any space to have one i never had imagined myself having one but abortion, i don't find women doing an abortion at fault here but personally i didn't believe in it. The screen light up and Gatsha written on the screen i contemplate answering it but nonetheless i did.

"Gatsha" i said putting the cellphone on my ear wiping the tears, my voice might have came out chirpy than i had intended.

"Hey sisi are you coming to my graduation " he asked i had totally forgot about that, i cleared my throat getting rid of the lump on my throat.

"Yeah ,yeah am still coming " i said before silence filled us , i was proud of my brother, he deserved this.

"Sisi are you okay" he called me sisi when he feels like it but when he didn't fill like it i was Liyana, was i okay that question was hard to answer, no i wasn't okay the man who married me made me pregnant a child i didn't want myself but now forcing an abortion on me.

"Yeah am fine " i said unconvincingly if that's even a word my voice breaking, i held my sob in not wanting to worry him when he had a lot himself too , he sigh.

"Liya i know you not okay please talk to me, is he hurting you, is he abusing you" he asked ,was he hurting me yes physically no but emotionally yes , abusive yes emotionally but it was better than physical.

"He is not abusing me" i said feeling fresh tears rolling down my cheeks "it's just..." i said unable to utter the words he was patient with me "today i found out i was pregnant, i don't know how i feel , a part of me yes is excited ,when i picked my phone it just dawn on me she wasn't here for me to share these news with her, my mind got filled with different scenarios, would she be screaming over the phone jumping up and down like she usually does when she receives good news, would she be disappointed i got pregnant before my goal was reached ,or would she be hugging me comforting me and telling me everything will be okay a baby doesn't change anything" i told the half truth clunching my chest "it's just i miss her so much Gatsha i wished she had never did what she did" i said violently wiping the tears that decorated my face.

"I didn't know her that well but i know sisi that she did what she did to find peace, she wouldn't want you worrying yourself or holding her back but she would want you excited, to me i think this is a blessing from god, you lost a friend and he gave you a gift, you birthing her in different form, let go of all the worries and what if's , ease your heart and allow happiness to travel through every vein in you thats what she would have wanted from you, sometimes things don't turn out the way we hoping they will, sometimes we lose people along the way but everything happens for a reason , we just need to believe in him ,she might not be here physically to support you but spiritually she is, i know if she was this good friend you say she was , she will hold your hand and protect your and your unborn childs life throughout" he says.

"When did you start being motivational speaker "i joke easing the tension between us he chuckles so lightly.

"Am a man of the house now remember i have a child due in 2 more months" he says proudly, even though the child was a mistake i know how Gatsha will love him, i know that regardless he will always come first in his life, am proud of how maturity has finally keep up with him.

"Yhaa babakhe" i say chuckling lightly, he always know how to make me feel better, or be in a better mood, from now I'll face each day as it comes.

"Mxm oho" he says making me laugh even more "but seriously liya am here for you whenever you need me remember we equals now when baba and ma die it will be up to us to keep this family together, whenever you need me be 1 in the morning I'll always listen to you because you going to be my sister throughout and i know you have my shoulder just as equal" he says he really has grown maturity.

"I promise whenever i feel like i need to talk you'll always be the one that i come to even through dark times" i say he sigh.

"You would tell me if he was abusing you right" he says lowly scared of my answer or what i will say.

"Yeah, you the first I'll run to and make sure I leave not looking back" he sighs relieved at my answer before saying goodbye, i stare at the screen after he dropped, maybe a time home is what i need, the toxic environment am in right now is eating me piece by piece.