I fucked another man ,i feel like a whore, he was right perhaps ,he was right another fact i was a whore because i was ,i can still smell the cologne of another men on my nostrils, i hate that i like it on my nostrils, i hate that i loved every moment of my adulting , i hate that i loved his skin , his soft skin on mine ,i hate i loved his lips on mine, the taste of his mouth on mine. I stood right on the balcony ,watching as everything on the street unfolding, everyone busy with their lives, i don't know when the last my whole body awakened like this , i don't know when last i felt the smoke burning my lungs, finally i see his car parking beneath me, i sigh out knowing death awaited me, knowing he would kill me, i must either be very brave or very stupid which i choose going with stupidity, am trembling even the smoke starts choking me making me endlessly cough, am hoping praying for once to get away with this ,this time only i swear I'll be a good wife.
"Hey" he says kissing my cheek smiling i breath in softly turning to look at him, he takes the nicotine taking a smoke before dropping it down stepping on the head, he is wearing overalls carrying paperbag.
"I got you this" he says i frown ,does than mean he didn't know ,my heart flipped in happiness before opening the paperbag i came out with overalls. "Put this on i want to take you somewhere" he says leaving me confused ,i did as am asked before walking to him ,he smiles holding my hand leading me in the car ,the drive is nothing short and silence okay not exactly short, my heart beating thousand miles an hour when we leave the city behind, 1 hour away from there as we fast approaching a place , nowhere near the city and no houses for the next 1 hour away ,was he going to kill me, my heart beats faster praying to God that my family makes peace with my disappearance.
"Wh...what are we doing here" i asked shakingly, if am going to die then i deserve to know and say my last prayer if in the next 30 minutes i will be no more.
"You killed your boyfriend and now you'll bury him" he says opening the boot coming with a body, my heart leaps oh god, oh god no , i feel my gut twisting how i implicated a poor man on my complicated life ,now i know for sure am dying next.
"You killed him" my body is shaking , i look at him putting the body down , widening my eyes at how calm he is like this is the most normal thing anyone can do.
"No you invited death on his door and opened the door for death to enter" he says coming back with a shaft to dig handing me. "Now please i have no time to be helping you start digging probably two graves" he says sitting on his booth, i look back at the body my eyes lingering on his face he looks so perfect like he is sleeping while infact he is dead i look at his body besides me feeling tears blind my eyes knowing this will hunt me for the rest of my life, who was i kidding i was following soon, i started as the shaft ate the soul up digging a grave and possible mine too. "You know Aphilile tried this too it ended badly for her i don't understand how women think its okay to play me, use me and when it's not your cup of tea you think you can leave" he says looking at me i raised my head, Aphilile was Muzi's mother, my mouth hung open.
"You said she committed suicide " i say in a questioning manner he chuckles lightly shaking his head at me.
"I never said she committed suicide you assumed she did that, i said she was found hanging from the ceiling while i wasn't in the house , wena and everyone out there assumed she committed suicide" he says making cold air run down my spine ,my eyes opened in horror. "I didn't lie see you made that scenerio in your head " he says shrugging like the is nothing wrong with what he said.
"Was the Rebecca sob story true " i was dying i deserved to know, i deserved the whole truth from him.
"It was true, she started doing drugs and started being insane talking about things ,like how i killed my wife, how i killed other thousand man , i had to get her admitted because of her insanity, she still gets episodes" he says shrugging again i look at him fully "that's the reason he dug and found your numbers to tell you how you should run before it's too late , how am a monster me, imagine, she says am abusive, i was abusive towards her ungrateful bitch" he adds.
"Was everything you told me true, the bipolar disorder, the abuse from father and what you said about you mother" i ask.
"Oh that ,that is true, the whole of it" he says taking out maynards taking one before pushing it on his mouth "if you keep that pace will be here all day and night ntokazi" he says.
"Why are you doing this Shaka, when last had you taken your medication " i asked hoping he would have a heart.
"I told you Liyana ,i told you that when i love i love deeply and am not letting you or anyone break my heart again he says bitterly and sternly standing from his original position, he slowly walks to where am standing, i walk back trying to run from him but trip and fall back on my butt. "Kahle kahle wena Liyana ungijwayela amasimba"(actually Liyana you shitting on me) he says clenching his teeth as his hand comes in contact with my cheek, i scream holding my burning cheek but he goes for the other cheek too. "Mina am here providing you with everything and what do i get a plate full of shit, mina liyana ngakuthola uyisaqa'mgwaqo ngakuthatha mina Liyana ngakugeza ngakwenza umfazi ohloniphekile wena wenzani, wena uyangidelela uphisa ngokudla kwami kulabafanyana nje ungenza inhlekiza, yimina lo oyislima Liyana"(i found you on the street Liyana, i took you in and cleaned you, i made you a wife who is respected but what do you do, you disrespect me you went out and distributed what was mine in these boys and you made me a laughing stork, am i the fool here Liyana) he says kicking my abdominal making me fall back holding my stomach in pain, his foot painful presses on my throat cutting my windpipe, he runs his hand over his face.
"Gcwaba lento yakho sheshisa"(bury this thing of yours fast) he says walking away leaving me drowning in my tears, i look at the plastic before tears burn my eyes ,the roll down my cheeks , I've never ever in my life been associated with something like this, i crawl to the shaft trying to violently wipe the tears off their existance but it proves to be futile.
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Fantasywhen a young women goes through so much in hope everything will be better, she meets what was suppose to be her saviour, the one who promise her the world but what happens when he becomes her worst nightmare. go through the journey of Liyana.
