A Two Year Desire

Chapter Five

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up a whole new suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you smile at you, and then you're life isnt your own anymore. Love takes hostages, it gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just the imagination. Not just in the mind. Its soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain, I hate love.

I have this constant fear that im never going to forget him. The way his brown eyes pierced mine or his goofy grin that always makes my heart beat ten times faster. And what sucks the most is that he was never mine to begin with. But I fell hopelessly in love with him. It's been two years and I can't forget him. And in the middle of the night when everything is quiet and everyone's asleep I think of him. Even if I don't realize it he finds his way back into my memory to the point where it makes me sick to my stomach and I can breathe because I don't want to love him anymore. And it sucks because I thought I was forgetting him. I was finally happy and then my memory of him comes back, and im sitting in the corner of my room tears pouring down my face and my throat burns because im screaming to the ceiling begging myself to forget him, And I hope that I will.

He made me feel things that no one before ever did yet he never new. I was weak for him but he was weak for her. I was never his first choice or was ever a choice to begin with.

as I walked down the school parking lot after practice my car was one of the last ones since I stayed a extra hour to clear my head. Next to my porsche was a black mustang with none other than Mathias Knight on the hood of his car smoking a cigarette. I would have chosen a blunt but different taste I guess.

"Why are you here so late lin?" he smokes out as I take my keys out to unlock my car.

"Dance practice Mathias" Instead of taking another puff he looked down to his cigarette then back to me and dropped it on the ground squashing it with his foot. Im guessing he remembered.

"It ended an hour ago though" He says curiously. "Your point is? I can't stay longer for extra practice?" He didn't answer.

"Why are you here?" I ask back

"Stubborn as always I see darling, why are you pushing yourself like this again? "

" I like dancing I don't see a problem plus you shouldn't care" I open the trunk of my car throwing my gym bag in. "And you never answered my question?"

"I got after school detention and Im asking as a acquaintance not a boyfriend" I laugh dryly "boyfriend? last time we both agreed we were having fun and nothing was going on don't you remember?" I want to punch him so bad, maybe use some of those new ballet moves I thought myself and use it on him for some extra practice. He gets me so mad.

"You know what we had was more than goofing off Adelina" he takes a step forward. "really?" My eyes soften and he notices it so he takes a big step forward towards me.

"Yeah" his husky male voice speaks as he takes a another step. I wait for him to take another that hes so close I could smell him and I would be lying if I didn't say I didn't miss it he was so close to kissing me but I grab him by his hoodie collar and slap him. Hard. "You really think im going to fall for this act? You are unbelievable as always Mathias" I almost turned away but he held on to me.

"Did you fall in love with me Adelina?" he asks taking a step forward. What's his deal with being face up close.

"You can never fall in love with someone you never even liked in the first place"