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August 16, 3:00am
"Wait for me"
"I can't lose him"
"We can't either"
I lay in my now lonely bed and just relive everything that happened that night. Every emotion, every scene, every scream, tear, word, I bleed out that night, I let flow through my body thinking it would have made the situation any better. It didn't. It obviously didn't. It's like I'm purposely punishing myself with these thoughts.
It's like some sick form of self harm. People cut, starve, burn, and hurt themselves physically but people also forget about the mental ways you can hurt yourself. You can punish yourself with thoughts, deadly thoughts so then you too can feel the similar, gut wrenching , frustrating, indescribable hurt.
I choose to remember these thoughts so I could hurt myself .
Daddy issues by neighborhood
"Take you like a drug, I taste you on my tongue"
So I could punish myself by remembering his teary eyes as they stared beyond the tinted glass of the cop car, So I could remember his broken voice and heart as he pleads to not be taken away from his family , So I could remember the moments he wanted to live but also to remember the moments he wanted to die in order for ME to keep living. So I could remember the sobs racking through my friends chests as they cry at night cause they miss a boy they grew to love.
So I could remember the boy I love.
"And you might have to tell me again, It's crazy what you'll do for a friend, Go ahead and cry, little girl, Nobody does it like you do, I know how much it matters to you, I know that you got daddy issues"
