Germany

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Unlocking the door, I enter the house and drop my suitcase on the ground

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Unlocking the door, I enter the house and drop my suitcase on the ground. Ace was behind me, carrying his own suitcase too. We were finally home.

Not speaking to each other, we both go our separate ways around the house. Feeling the jet lag from the long flight, I decide to walk up to my room and take a shower.

Our trip to Germany took longer than expected. Instead of 4 days, it turned into 10 days of traveling throughout Europe. I was tired, cranky and annoyed with everything that had just happened in the span of these past 10 days. I had gotten almost no sleep and being 6 months pregnant wasn't helping.

Stripping out of my clothes, I felt too lazy to shower right away so instead, I get the bath ready and step in to relax.

I contemplate and think about what had happened during our trip and how much I really didn't want to see Ace right now. I had enough and was very done with him at the moment. We still hadn't even seen Molly yet as well. We spoke to her on the phone a few days ago and told her why we left so abruptly so she knows of my condition but I have yet to see her.

...Oh are you wondering what happened in Germany and how the trip went?

Here let me tell you:

It was basically a waste of our fucking time.

After meeting the doctor and doing a bunch of tests, which meant poking a whole lot more needles through my body.... And after many days in and out at the hospital in Germany, the doctor had come to the conclusion that there was nothing he could do to help my condition. My cancer was already too aggressive and I was very late in my pregnancy which meant high risk to my baby.

I was prepared for this news, because I already knew there was nothing left to be done. But Ace on the other hand...

Ace was furious at the doctors, his behaviour was out of control. Whenever he felt like it, he would just check out into his own little world, no matter where I was or what I was going through myself. I understand it's hard for him too and he's just doing what he can to find a solution but he wasn't accepting the truth and reality which was only making things harder for both of us.

I tried to be supportive but now I'm just exhausted from everything.

After the doctor gave us his feedback and Ace went all crazy on him, he told us there was another Doctor somewhere in Europe that we can get a 2nd opinion from. Of course Ace wanted nothing more than to go to him. So we did. And after doing a bunch more tests, that doctor told us the same exact thing: Nothing he could do.

We were constantly being referred to new doctors who all couldn't do anything to help my condition. And Ace just couldn't accept that.

Right before we were about to board the plane to come back home, there was another doctor he wanted us to visit. I just couldn't do it anymore. I was tired and exhausted and wanted to go home. That's all I wanted. To accept the truth and move on with the little time we still had. To try and make the best of it.

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